What ever happened to Elliot Ness?

What ever happened to Elliot Ness.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. We can’t imagine that a film about Special Agent John Edward would be anywhere near as interesting as “The Untouchables“, even the Kevin Costner version.

Subject: FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)
From: SPECIAL AGENT JOHN EDWARD [edwardjohn02@live.com]
To: johnedward@fbi.gov

URGENT ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

KINDLY VIEW THE ATTACHED CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE LETTER AND GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY.

Yours In Service
Agent John Edward
Regional Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

Attachment “CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE LETTER.txt”

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C.

URGENT ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

I AM SPECIAL AGENT JOHN EDWARD FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) INTELLIGENCE UNIT, WE HAVE JUST INTERCEPTED AND CONFISCATED TWO (2) TRUNK BOXES AT JFK AIRPORT IN NEW YORK, AND ARE ON THE VERGE OF MOVING IT TO OUR BUREAU HEAD QUARTERS.

WE HAVE SCANNED THE SAID BOXES, AND HAVE FOUND IT TO CONTAIN A TOTAL SUM OF $4.1 MILLION AND ALSO BACKUP DOCUMENT WHICH BEARS YOUR NAME AS THE RECEIVER OF THE MONEY CONTAINED IN THE BOXES, INVESTIGATIONS CARRIED OUT ON THE DIPLOMAT WHICH ACCOMPANIED THE BOXES INTO THE UNITED STATES HAS IT THAT HE WAS TO DELIVER THIS FUNDS TO YOUR RESIDENCE AS PAYMENT WHICH WAS DUE YOU FROM THE OFFICE OF FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN NIGERIA FROM UNPAID CONTRACT SUMS.

WE CROSS-CHECKED ALL LEGAL DOCUMENTATION IN THE BOXES, AND WERE ABOUT TO RELEASE THE CONSIGNMENT TO THE DIPLOMAT,WHEN WE FOUND OUT THAT THE BOXES IS LACKING ONE VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTATION WHICH AS A RESULT, THE BOXES HAS BEEN CONFISCATED.

ACCORDING TO SECTION 229 SUBSECTION 31 OF THE 1991 CONSTITUTION IN TAX PAYMENT, YOUR CONSIGNMENT LACKS PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE FROM THE JOINT TEAM OF THE IRS AND HOMELAND SECURITY, AND THERE FOR, YOU MUST CONTACT US FOR DIRECTION ON HOW TO PROCURE THIS CERTIFICATE, SO THAT YOU CAN BE RELIEVED OF THE CHARGES OF EVADING TAX WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE UNDER SECTION 12 SUBSECTION 441 OF CONSTITUTION ON TAX EVASION.

YOU ARE REQUIRED TO CONTACT THIS BUREAU WITHIN 72HOURS, OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED, INTERROGATED AND PROSECUTED IN THE COURT OF LAW FOR EVADING TAX.

ALSO, YOU MUST NOT CONTACT ANY OTHER BANK OR PERSONS IN NIGERIA, THE UNITED KINGDOM OR ANY PART OF THE WORLD FOR ANY PAYMENT, BECAUSE YOUR PAYMENT HAVE BEEN CONFISCATED BY THIS BUREAU HERE IN THE UNITED STATES..

YOURS IN SERVICE

Agent John Edward
Regional Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

What ever happened to the real FBI? We remember hearing stories of brave men saving America from the master criminals. Special Agent Edward sounds more like a clerk.

Subject: FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)
From: SPECIAL AGENT JOHN EDWARD [edwardjohn02@live.com]
To: johnedward@fbi.gov

It doesn’t take Agent Edward long to get off on the wrong foot. He implies that he has a real FBI email address. Are we supposed to assume that we use his Live.com address to respond to him or should we email him at the FBI. We can see from his return address that his keyboard has lowercase letters available for use, so we must conclude the capitalization is deliberate. We are not sure why though.

URGENT ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

KINDLY VIEW THE ATTACHED CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE LETTER AND GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY.

Yours In Service
Agent John Edward
Regional Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

His message must be too important to just email so he included it as an attachement. Also, he is now a Regional Director. Special Agent must not have appeared impressive enough.

Attachment “CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE LETTER.txt”

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C.

URGENT ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

I AM SPECIAL AGENT JOHN EDWARD FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) INTELLIGENCE UNIT, WE HAVE JUST INTERCEPTED AND CONFISCATED TWO (2) TRUNK BOXES AT JFK AIRPORT IN NEW YORK, AND ARE ON THE VERGE OF MOVING IT TO OUR BUREAU HEAD QUARTERS.

Well, it seems the promotion to Regional Director didn’t last long. Perhaps, the Cap-Lock light on his keyboard has failed and he’s unaware that he’s shouting.

We are pleased to see that he has included us in the investigation at such an early stage. We always appreciate timely reports from those in the field.

WE HAVE SCANNED THE SAID BOXES, AND HAVE FOUND IT TO CONTAIN A TOTAL SUM OF $4.1 MILLION AND ALSO BACKUP DOCUMENT WHICH BEARS YOUR NAME AS THE RECEIVER OF THE MONEY CONTAINED IN THE BOXES, INVESTIGATIONS CARRIED OUT ON THE DIPLOMAT WHICH ACCOMPANIED THE BOXES INTO THE UNITED STATES HAS IT THAT HE WAS TO DELIVER THIS FUNDS TO YOUR RESIDENCE AS PAYMENT WHICH WAS DUE YOU FROM THE OFFICE OF FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN NIGERIA FROM UNPAID CONTRACT SUMS.

We are not sure why Agent Edward felt the need to impede the progress of our boxes. We are also beginning to believe that everyone in Africa is under the impression that the United States is only as big as Rhode Island and that flying into any airport will place you conveniently near your destination. We only conclude this as recently another African diplomat with a large box of our money landed in Orlando, Florida on his way to us. While New York is closer, we are afraid it is not close enough.

We are also concerned with the apparent breakdown of international civility as both diplomats carrying our money have been accosted at the airports which they mistakenly flew to on their misguided way to us. What ever happened to diplomatic immunity? Perhaps we should inform one of our many United Nations contacts about this.

WE CROSS-CHECKED ALL LEGAL DOCUMENTATION IN THE BOXES, AND WERE ABOUT TO RELEASE THE CONSIGNMENT TO THE DIPLOMAT,WHEN WE FOUND OUT THAT THE BOXES IS LACKING ONE VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTATION WHICH AS A RESULT, THE BOXES HAS BEEN CONFISCATED.

We are beginning to suspect, as is often the case, that Agent Edward and English are not on very close terms. It is generally taken that boxes refers to more than one box and should, therefore, be refered to as plural. Maybe Agent Edward was absent from school the day they covered that.

ACCORDING TO SECTION 229 SUBSECTION 31 OF THE 1991 CONSTITUTION IN TAX PAYMENT, YOUR CONSIGNMENT LACKS PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE FROM THE JOINT TEAM OF THE IRS AND HOMELAND SECURITY, AND THERE FOR, YOU MUST CONTACT US FOR DIRECTION ON HOW TO PROCURE THIS CERTIFICATE, SO THAT YOU CAN BE RELIEVED OF THE CHARGES OF EVADING TAX WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE UNDER SECTION 12 SUBSECTION 441 OF CONSTITUTION ON TAX EVASION.

We strongly believe that Agent Edwards is, to coin a phrase, just making stuff up here. We are also fairly certain that if we were to contact Agent Edward that there would be fees involved with acquiring the certificate. We don’t know that for fact, but we strongly suspect it.

YOU ARE REQUIRED TO CONTACT THIS BUREAU WITHIN 72HOURS, OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED, INTERROGATED AND PROSECUTED IN THE COURT OF LAW FOR EVADING TAX.

We received this warning several days ago, we do not think Agent Edward is coming for us. We are fairly sure Agent Edward wouldn’t know us if we were standing on his foot. We are also sure that we would have to have the money in order to evade the tax on it and would have to have filed false income tax forms in order for the issue to even arise.

ALSO, YOU MUST NOT CONTACT ANY OTHER BANK OR PERSONS IN NIGERIA, THE UNITED KINGDOM OR ANY PART OF THE WORLD FOR ANY PAYMENT, BECAUSE YOUR PAYMENT HAVE BEEN CONFISCATED BY THIS BUREAU HERE IN THE UNITED STATES..

We wonder, wouldn’t the Nigerian Government like to know how poorly you’re treating their diplomats, Agent Edward. We aren’t very sure why anyone in the United Kingdom would have any interest in this though. 

YOURS IN SERVICE

Agent John Edward
Regional Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C.
20535-0001, USA

It appears that Agent Edward has been reinstated as Regional Director again. The FBI seem like a fickle lot, don’t they?

Should Agent Edward approach you, send him away unanswered. He is not real. Do not contact him, file your taxes the same way you always do.

Don’t get involved with this. This is a Fraud.

Join us here next time for “As Clear as Mud” here at HowToSpotAFraud.com.

That is all.