Efrem Zimbalist must be spinning in his grave. Junior that is.

Today we hear from the:
who seem to have hired the Department of Redundancy Department to design their email header.

We remember Efrem Zimbalist’s son Efrem Zimbalist’s The F.B.I.. It always struck us that they had better things to do than this letter would suggest.

Let us see, there are two FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONs, two FBIs, two WASHINGTON,  D.C.s , one WASHINGTON DC. and a partridge in a pear tree.

We gather from this valiant effort that we are to assume, incorrectly we might add, that this particular document originated in the offices of the FBI (should you need their location, see the paragraph above).

 Attention: Beneficiary,

We the FBI at the Scammed Victims Compensation Unit would like to bring to your notice that your email address has won you the sum of $1.5, 000,000.00 USD ($1.5 million USA dollars) from the United Nations World Organizations (UNO) due to the uncontrollable fraudulent activities which has been going on in the United State Of America and most part of the World.

First we were unaware that the FBI ran lotteries. Second we would think that our own government would be able to correctly format a dollar amount. We have never seen $1.5,000,000.00 used before this. We do understand their meaning but it doesn’t help their credibility. Third, we apparently won this lottery because of their inability to do their job. And fourthly, we have been led to believe that there are fifty United States of America, not just one.

Your email address was gotten as a result of the previous investigation carried out by the FBI homeland security on fraudsters that was cut at 532 la copita. San Ramon California 94583 USA. He was cut sending fake ATM card and Bank Cheques to people and on the investigation process a group of email addresses of America citizen who has been scam lot of money where found in his PC. They have been taken to Court for persecution.

We had a great deal of difficulty with the preceding paragraph. It sounds as if their investigation may have culminated in a knife fight. We have no idea who the ‘they’ referred to might be. As an aside to the author we would add that warning people about the very scam you are trying to perpetrate is never good form. “Trust me” should always be taken as a warning.

Series of meetings have been held over the past two weeks with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization Gen. Banki Moon. This ended 3 days ago, and It is obvious that you have not received your own compensation fund which is to the tune of $1.5, 000, 000, 00 Million USA Dollars, due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the funds to themselves for their selfish reasons and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

Ban Ki-moon is the is the Secretary General of the United Nations. It appears our funds have been at the center of a vast conspiracy.

    However, the National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current Governor of Washington DC his Excellency Governor Jay Inslee to boost these exercise of clearing all foreign debts owned to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.

This paragraph is where credibility went to die. If all of those law enforcement organizations cannot puzzle out the Jay Inslee is the governor of the state of Washington rather that the governor of Washington D.C., which coincidently has no governor, then we, as a species, are on thin ice, global warming not withstanding.

Now how would you like to receive your Compensation Funds Award worth the sum of $1.5 Million USD? Because we have two method of payment which is by Bank Cashier Cheque or by ATM Debit Master Card?

Given the choices we would most likely choose the cashier’s cheque or, as we say in the United State, check. We believe, however, that we are about to be presented with hoops to traverse prior to the check’s arrival.

  ATM Debit Master Card: We will be issuing you an ATM Debit Master Card which you can be able to withdraw up to $10,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2018. Also with the ATM Debit Mater Card you will be able to transfer Money into your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook manual to enlighten you on how to make use of it. You can get this ATM card even if you do not have a bank account.

If we assume that we were, in fact, able to withdraw ten thousand dollars a day from an ATM, it should only take one hundred fifty days to liberate the one point five million dollars, so we think that renewing the card should not be necessary. We have never received a manual with an ATM card from any bank with which we have has dealings. We would love to see a hard bound first edition of “Swipe card, enter pin”. It would fill a great empty space in our bookshelf.

  Bank Cashier Cheque: Your Funds would be deposited into the World Bank of America your bank for and you will be issued a Cheque which would be cleared within next three working days into your personal Bank account.

We played Stump the band with Google using World Bank of America. We are pleased to report that we won the round.

Your Compensation Funds Award would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be delivered to you via the UPS Courier Service, because we have signed a contract with UPS which should expire in next three weeks. But before the UPS can leave for your doorstep you will only need to pay for their Delivery fee to your home which is only $380 Dollars instead of paying $565 Dollars thereby saving you $185 Dollars and if you pay before the three weeks of febuary 2015 you save yourself $185. Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely Imposters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any.

We once attempted to ship a small refrigerator from Los Angles, CA. to Boston, MA. via both UPS and FedEx. Both organizations wanted one hundred seventy dollars, which being more that the price of a new refrigerator, resulted in a donation of said refrigerator to Goodwill Industries. We therefore conclude that they must be shipping an ATM rather than just a card. We also must conclude that, based on experience, three hundred eighty dollars is well above the usual fee, that the individual writing to us must be, in reality, one of the imposters of whom they speak.

    Note: Every other Bills and Taxes has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Washington DC, The United Nation and also the United State FBI, the UPS Courier service delivery fee is all you will ever have to pay which is $380 USA Dollars only. Do not send money to anyone until you read this and have heard from me. The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $565 dollars but because UPS have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $565 to $380 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

At the place I unfortunately refer to as my ‘day job’, we ship using UPS COD on a daily basis. They have not notified us of the program’s discontinuance as of this time. We again must conclude that they are sending an ATM rather than a card, as a card, as a rule is not bulky.

Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from the (UPS) Website (WWW.UPS.COM). To confirm beneficiaries like you who have received their payment successfully.

JOHNNY ALMANTE ==============1Z2X59394198080570
GARY METZGER ==============1Z2X59394195952759
GLEN PAPANIKAS ==============1Z2X59394198690947

We tried to track these number but, as happened with Google, we won the round.

  To effect the release of your Compensation funds valued at $1.5,000,000.00 USD ($1.5 Million USA dollars) you are advised to contact our correspondent at the FBI Headquarters in Washington DC the delivery officer Agent Leonard David with this contact information below!

One would think that with the current controversy regarding Hillary and her private email, that an FBI agent would be smart enough to not use Gmail.

Name: FBI AGENT.  Leonard David
Email:  leonarddavid504@gmail.com
     You are advised to contact him with the information’s as stated below; thereby making your UPS Courier delivery fee of $380.00 USD available to avoiding much delays:

Your full Name…………
Your Address:…………..
Home/Cell Phone:……..
Your Occupation……….
Your Identity…………….
Zip code………………

It always amazes us as to how these people find us when they have no idea who we are.

    Upon receipt of payment details been confirmed available the UPS delivery officer will ensure that your package is delivered to you personally within 24 working hours, Because we are so sure of everything and we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive Compensation Funds Award within the next 24 hrs after you have made the payment for shipping your package to you, And make sure that you keep the receipt of the $380 payment that you made because that is the prove you will show to the delivery team when they arrive at your doorstep with your package.

We love a scam with a money back guarantee. It makes us feel much better knowing that they’ll return our money if we catch them in a lie. How many working days is twenty four working hours? Anyone?

  Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your Compensation Funds Award worth the sum of $1.5 Million USD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact Leonard David of the ATM card payment center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your Compensation Funds payment and forward any email notification you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation please assist us fight against Internet Cyber Crime.

Kindly click on the link to view the Internet Fraudsters that was cut by the FBI<http://www.cis.uab.edu/forensics/blog/Romanian.arrested.jul14.jpg 
http://www.fbi.gov/newyork/press-releases/images/nyfo061710_2.jpg http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2010/may/timessquare_050410/image/ny.jpg >

The three links above led to the three pictures below:

We believe the pictures are to reassure us. They do not. What they have to do with cut fraudsters is unclear as well.

  Note: This email fully under supervision of the FBI and will be until you have your ATM card at your door step, so kindly follow the instruction and have this Card delivered to your address without any more delay by paying the UPS Courier Delivery service fee and send to  United State FBI Approved officer Mark As stated above.

It seems the FBI can track emails everywhere. The officer above was Leonard not Mark. How confusing.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss Kayla Courney

Thank you and God bless you

It seems Miss Courney is unaware of the separation of church and state. We shall inform her superiors or perhaps we will accept that this is a fraud and return to our regularly scheduled lives.

That is all.

P.S Please go here and click the little Thumbs Up. Our food budget thanks you.

Now, that is all.

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