We often wonder what goes on in Africa as there are so many high-ranking officials with the time to send us emails like the one that follows.
From: VALLES CASADEMONT, CARLES
Date Sent: 7/29/2012 7:18:44 PM
We are meant to believe that this email is from one Carles Valles Casademont, of whom we shall speak no more.
I know you will be surprised to read this mail from this OFFICE
Sadly, our writer’s power to see the future is somewhat faulty. Very few of these emails surprise us any more.
We feel we may be becoming jaded.
We don’t know where our writer’s office is but it must be impressive. It’s capitalized.
I am Brigadier General Joseph Nunoo Mensah, the Chief of General Staff,
GHANA. I am mailing you in respect, of the present development going on
here in my country GHANA,
Are we to assume then that you are from GHANA, General?
We are always disappointed when people writing to us have no idea what they do for a living. According to Wikipedia General Mensah was one the Chief of the Defense Staff, but that was thirty years ago.
Please, if you’re going to try to fool us, do a little research first.
I decided to contact you, after much investigation which was carried out
by the Bureau of National Investigation (BNI) and the Ghana Police
Service, to make sure our country is free of these fraudulent activities,
which is going on here in Africa and for our country to bear a good name.
His investigators missed the flaw on his resume.
They also weren’t able to find any fraudulent activities in Ghana.
Google found sixty-six pages of references without even breaking a sweat.
How hard did they look?
The Airport Authority detected that trunk boxes after been scanned the
authorities detected that the boxes contains funds on your name and email
that has been tempered on, were been smuggled into the country by foreign
Personnel who were on transit from London.
We’re sorry. What?
These men were trying to enter the country with the trunk boxes, when the
airport authority detected that these boxes contains, some huge amount of
United State Dollars. After much investigation we found out that these men
were among those men, spoiling the good name of Africa.
From the sound of it they had already entered the country, otherwise they would not have been detained at the airport having just arrived from London.
They mustn’t have had Olympics tickets or maybe they couldn’t deal with the crowds.
We were under the impression that those men were among these these men.
Which name did they spoil?
They opened up to us that, they actually work with a Lotto company before
their dismissal and used the opportunity to perpetuate their crimes, they
told us that the funds inside the boxes was won by you, but now they
planned to turn back on you and decided to take the money all to
themselves out of the country.
So let us see if we have this right.
These men were smuggling the money out of Ghana and in doing so were caught entering Ghana from London with the money and were detained upon arrival at the airport.
Is that right?
They should invest in either a map or a GPS or a better travel agent.
We later found out on the investigation that was carried that, these men are truly members of a well established organization to act on their criminal activities.
What organization is that, the gang who couldn’t shoot straight?
Who is their leader, Wrong Way Corrigan?
As I write you this mail now, the three(3) men that were caught are now in
the custody of the Ghana Police Service over here in our country Ghana,
while we are trying to track the others left, because they have proved to
us that they belong to one organization.
Does the Ghana Police Service have offices in other countries besides Ghana?
How many others did you let leave?
That is why we have to reach you by your mail address and name that was
tagged the boxes, Immediately we instructed a our united nation diplomat
to deliver this boxes without wasting time with the parcel
Mind you, there has been no mention of our name in this correspondence thus far and we are willing to bet that they will ask us for that very piece of information before too much longer.
How is it that there seem to be large caches of united nations diplomats scattered around Africa waiting to deliver boxes?
We have trouble finding Chinese take-out that delivers. These people are up to their eyes in diplomats.
Since you’re sending him with the boxes, could you have him pick up some General Gau’s chicken on the way? Ask them for a military courtesy discount.
They seem to be as common as cockroaches were any of these emails to be believed.
Your response will be very much appreciated as soon as you have received
That’s nice to know.
Please all reply should go to this email firstname.lastname@example.org
The General couldn’t even get generalnunoo1 at gmail. Who beat him to it, we wonder.
Why didn’t he try for generalmensah? That would be closer to his name. There can’t be many of them about.
Thank you for your kind attention, for us to make sure our beloved country
Ghana, bears a good name.
With good upstanding citizens like you, how could it not?
Please in your reply include your
A: FULL NAMES:
C: DIRECT CONTACT PHONE NUMBER:
D: SCANNED COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR ANY RELEVANT IDENTIFICATION PASSPORT: Attached.
And we win our bet. Again.
We have two small questions.
First, aren’t all passports international. Isn’t that the point to them?
Secondly, what is a relevant identification passport supposed to be — or do?
As this information will be required, by the authorities in Ghana to draft
the new change of ownership in your name as the rightful owner of the
funds in our custody and also to verify the information given to us
because the documentations covering the boxes have been tampered on.
We were told earlier that the money already had our name attached so what change of ownership of taking place here?
The dictionary entry for tamper seems to recommend the use of with rather than on. But who are we to judge.
We gather that we are discussing either large documents or small boxes.
Brigadier General Joseph Nunoo Mensah
We think that we shall not respond to General Mensah as he has failed, convincingly, to convince us that he has anything belonging to us over there in Ghana.
No, we shall have to dismiss him as a Fraud.
Should he contact you, remember that it may well be our imaginary money that he’s trying to give you.
Don’t fall for it.
We dismissed him first.
That is all.