Mutliple Miscreant Masqueraders

We received the following notice from someone pretending to be Publishers Clearing House telling us that we have won one million dollars.

We have, from time to time, received mailings and emails from the real Publishers Clearing House, who, on the other hand, have always been consistent in telling us that we MAY have won.

The real PCH mailings are also far more elaborate in their design and packaging; shiny stickers, colored papers, embossed seals and the like.

They are usually less elaborate in their overall instructions: “Place the sticker here. Mail it back. We’ll let you know.”

We are inclined to think that our correspondent has never seen a real PCH mailing or contest.

Date Sent: 7/16/2012 3:08:37 AM


Well, they did manage to forage the internet for a PCH logo for their letter, but they missed with the Elite Courier Company information.The Elite Courier Company does have a website, but it is not, which seems to be something else entirely.

One might also think that the “Official Rules” and “Sweepstakes Facts” were links but would be mistaken. They’re just cleverly underlined green text.

Such skill! Very deceptive, indeed.


Never a good sign.

    Attention: Winner,

Wait, where’s the “You may be a”?. You forgot the “You may be a” before the winner.

With Publishers clearing House there’s always a “You may be a”. We think they’ve even trademarked it.

This can’t be real.

We’ve seen PCH winners on TV.

The people at PCH don’t send an email.

They send a truck, with balloons and a camera crew and a check that looks like a 4 x 8 sheet of plywood and a guy who looks like a game show host who’s escaped from 1959.

I hereby use this medium to acknowledge the receipt of your claims requirement regarding the winning notification mail you received, informing you of the prize you have won PCH LOTTO, after the verification process was conducted I wish to inform you that the lotto department and promotions department has just approved your payment of the sum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS ($1,000,000.00 USD) the check have been handover to a security company in the UK England

They’re acknowledging the receipt of something we’ve never sent? Odd. Oh, and they’ve verified it. Well, that’s good to know.

Does anyone want to bet that before they’re through they’ll ask us to tell them who we are? We cannot offer favorable odds, however.

Can anyone explain why an American company, from Port Washington, New York would think that “handovering” a check to a security company in UK England is a good idea.

We live less that a three-hour drive from Port Washington. Why did they send the check to England?

It makes our brain hurt sometimes when we are silly enough to attempt rationalizing the plans of these people.

If you asked them to set a mouse trap, they’d probably send the mouse an anonymous invitation to a midnight dinner in a haunted castle overlooking the Scottish moors and then try to work out out how they could get the mouse to fall down the stairs.

But, we digress.

The security company will be responsible for the remittance of the entire winnings, and your Lottery Winnings documents  which is of high importance to you, so I expect you to show great appreciation to (Publishers Clearing House) PCH LOTTO as a great firm haven been in existence for years and has single highhandedly made this promotion possible in other to promote (Publishers Clearing House) in every corner of the world through the means of the internet as a global source of reaching people world wide.

That is quite a sentence. We suspect that some punctuation escaped while no one was watching.

We assume that they meant to say that they are remitting the winnings and documents, which are of high importance, to us rather that implying that the documents are of high importance to us and they are remitting the winnings to someplace unnamed.

We did like the phrase “haven been in existence” and one does not often see anyone use “single highhandedly” in a sentence.

For anyone living in the United States, PCH is pretty pervasive. Using the internet to add to it seems a bit unnecessary.

On the other hand, they already do that, and have done so for years.

Incase you still have doubts arising from the angle  of how you got  selected, note that the selection process was carried out through an electronic email ballot system our aim was to select winners through the internet  which will be a much more easier way to select winners all around the universe due to the fact that only you alone have access to your email so have no fear , for you have emerged a winner as far as you are the original proprietor to the email account which you have received the winning notification letter as distributed by Michelle I Centeno the lottery manger of this great promotion  .

Why would we ever doubt your veracity?

Apparently they have access to the UWW, Universe Wide Web. Comcast is so behind the times, we only have the world wide web.

We are fairly certain that we were selected with the same care that a falling object uses in finding the ground in the dark.

“Much more easier”?

And while we’re at it let’s blow some sunshine up your kilt and puff ourselves up a bit in the process.

What sort of job is “Lottery Manger”?

We thought that was where you got a room by chance when the inn was full.

In furtherance, to begin the final step of the claims process you are advised to contact the Dispatch Company whose details are furnished below and they shall be responsible for onward delivery of your winnings to you and you shall be expected to pay some fees along the line by the security firm for the delivery of your cheque and documents this fees will not be more than normal shipping charges which we feel will not be a problem to you.

Why on earth do these people feel the need to ship checks?

Here in the United States, checks are generally made of thin paper, 2.75 in. high by 6 in. wide. What is there to ship? Normal shipping charges for a check should be about 45 cents. Are we missing something? Is is customary to use barrels or anvils as checks in other parts of the world?

Granted the PCH checks on TV are quite large, but they do hand carry them to the winners using the balloon truck rather than shipping them from New York to UK England so they can be sent back to Massachusetts.

Before your winnings was released to security company a hard cover insurance  policy was placed on your winnings  by the (publishers Clearing House) PCH Lotto company to avoid any harm or illegal channeling due to this, deduction of any amount of money from your funds cannot be done from your Won prize.

Say what?

This could all have been avoided by sending the balloon truck to my house with the check.

Even if they didn’t want to send the balloon truck, a 45 cent stamp on a #10 business envelope would have done the job, and at significantly less expense.

They could have tossed it out of the plane on the way to England attached to a rock with a note and it would have gotten here cheaper, not to mention quicker.

The instructions given inline with the rules and regulation of the USA and England gaming board once you get your winning funds check you are expected to deposit it in your personal bank account and there is a certain assurance that the entire ONE MILLION USD  you have won will be accredited into your account in not less than three to four banking days please note. below is the courier contact information’s

What, wait, it’s not even a certified check. Cashier’s checks are as good as cash.

Personal checks will clear faster than that. We can’t wait three or four days.

Well that makes us feel a lot better, pictures copied from the Elite Courier website. Doesn’t that make it all official now.

Contact Information. Elite Couriers®

ADDRESS: … Farm Road Taplow Berks SL6 0PT, United Kingdom




TELEPHONE:  +44-703-189-3547  ,  +44-703-183-3929

Somehow we don’t think that Mr. Badmos (who makes up these names?) has anything at all to do with the courier company. Just call it a hunch.

Write to them via email : upon receipt of this mail without wasting time, You are to furnish them with your….

The only time wasted was the time spent reading your email in the first place, thank you very much. There’s two minutes we’ll never get back.

Full Name:
Telephone number:
Postal Address:

What did we say earlier? They have no idea who we are or where we are  beyond the fact that we are a human being on the third planet out from the sun, but since they’re universal, even that’s probably a guess.

Below Are Your Winning Numbers  And Your Email Ticket Number

winning numbers:  47-14-34-85-67-32
email ticket number:  FL 754/22/76

Aren’t those official looking with their slashes and dashes?

In other news, we also won this same lottery with these same numbers last September and again in March. Of course different fools shipped the check through different means, but the result was the same. Googling “47-14-34-85-67-32” pretty much seals the deal. Popular numbers, those.

Once again, keep us posted on any development with the Dispatch Company, in relation to your lottery winnings.


Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been fully processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid multiple claims and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.


We are supposed to believe that after the “single highhanded” efforts put into sending our check to a security company in England and the application of a “hard cover” insurance policy and assurances that everything is under control, we are now informed that they have mixed up some of the names and number.

Congratulations once again.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Best  Regards,
Mr.  David  Van  Peters  (Claims  Officer…. P.C.H  LOTTO)

Who is David Van Peters?

They said Michelle I Centeno was in charge earlier.

So we have someone pretending to be David Van Peters pretending to represent Michelle I Centeo pretending to be from the Elite Courier Company pretending to be working with someone pretending to be with Publishers Clearing House’s pretend world-wide internet email lottery where they imagine that we have won one million dollars.

Does that about sum it up?

We give up.There is no money.

We are not winners, at least within the context of this email.

One must, after all maintain a positive mental attitude.

If you get an email from these people, just delete it.

You may not are not a winner, again, at least in the context of this contest.

We do not mean to imply that you are a loser.

Perish the thought that we damage anyone’s self-esteem.


No, this is just another Fraud.

That is all.

This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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