KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND? Didn’t know we were lost.

Given the volume of emails which we receive along the lines of the following, we are bothered by the nagging thought that there are people living among us, hopefully not breeding, who would seize upon such a tome as an opportunity not to be missed.

Could this be a legitimate offer of riches? Let’s examine the evidence.

Subject: ATTENTION PLEASE GET BACK TO ME NOW IS GOOD NEWS
From: Dr.Peter Chris.
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Date Sent: 3/15/2014 10:44:07 AM

Right off the top we have CAPITAL LETTERS. Only the most important and valid offers come dressed all in CAPITAL LETTERS. We think they teach that technique in the better schools.

We also recognize the universal greeting “undisclosed-recipients”. We wonder why it is not used more frequently.

ATTENTION PLEASE GET BACK TO ME NOW IS GOOD NEWS

Punctuation and grammar are, as always, optional.

I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU IF THIS IT’S NOT TRUE. I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM
MR.JAMES KELLER,HE CALLED US YESTERDAY WITH THIS TELEPHONE
NUMBER:866862311 INFORMING ME THAT YOU ARE DEAD AND HE SAID THAT I
SHOULD SEND HIM YOUR FUND TO HIS HOME ADDRESS: 1011 S 7TH ST.
WATERTOWN, WI 53094, USA, BECAUSE HE IS YOUR NEXT OF KIN BENEFICIARY
TO YOU, AND HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT YOU INSTRUCTED HIM TO CLAIM YOUR
PROPERTIES INCLUDING YOUR MONEY IN CASE BECAUSE YOU ARE NO MORE TO BE
FOUND ON EARTH.

First question: If it was true, would they be happy to tell us we’re dead?

Second question: What type of organization accepts email and a phone number as identification when large sums of money are involved?

Third question: Will they charge Mr. Keller any money to do this?

Fourth question: How did Mr. Keller get a nine digit phone number in Wisconsin?

We searched for Mr. Keller and found this, which appears to be one of the author’s earlier works.

I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH
AND I DON’T KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY THE
EMAILS I SENT TO YOU REGADING THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND.THIS IS MY
PROMISE TO YOU THAT I AM GOING TO DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER TO
MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUND IS BE TRANSFER TO HIM AS YOUR NEXT OF KIN
BENEFICIAL TO YOU MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE AND MAY GOD
GRATE YOU INTERNAL LIFE ON THE LAST DAY TO COME I AM VERY VERY SORRY.

This paragraph would make an interesting greeting card. “Sorry to hear that you’re dead.” If we were, in fact, no more to be found, it would most likely be because we were hiding from the likes of you. Telling a dead person that you are going to give their money to an imposter doesn’t work for too many reasons to list.

As far as God grating our internal life goes, we can think of more pleasant ways to spend eternity.

 HE DID ALSO SAID HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SPEND SOME MONEY TO GET THE
FUND BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I SHOULD LET HIM
KNOW THE COST,I TOLD HE TO HOLD ON AND LET ME VERIFY IF THIS IS TRUE
OR NOT BECAUSE I AM CONFUSED NOW ABOUT THIS CLAIM’S ARE ADVICE TO SEND
YOUR ADDRESS TO ENABLE ME PROCEED ON YOUR TRANSFER IF THIS IS NOT TRUE
BUT FOR YOUR INFORMATION YOU ARE TO PAY FOR THE APPROVAL CERTIFICATE
FEE OF YOUR FUND,WHICH THE IF IT IS TRUE THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE

Ah, so they do plan to charge him a fee. At least they’re consistent. One could have a field day punctuating the previous paragraph.

THESE ARE YOUR FUNERAL PICTURES HE SUBMITTED TO ME AS THE FINAL
CEREMONY OF YOUR BURIAL I AM EXPECTING FOR THE PAYMENT RECEIPT OF THE
$55.00 USD DOLLARS, YOU ARE TO USE THE NAME INFORMATION’S ( MR JOHN
OBI ) AND FORWARDED THE PAYMENT SLIP URGENTLY TO MY IMMEDIATE ACTION
TO ENABLE YOU RECEIVED YOUR FUND IN YOU COUNTRY.FORWARDED THE PAYMENT
RECEIPT THROUGH OUR ECO BANK DIRECTOR GENERAL HERE
(eecobakplc1@gmail.com  ) YOU ARE MANDATED TO COMPLY TO US WITH THE
PAYMENT SLIP. THANKS BE INFORM THAT AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE $55 USD TO
MR JOHN OBI TOMORROW MORNING,YOUR FUNDS OF USD$4.800,000.00 WILL BE
TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT IN YOU COUNTRY ON OR
BEFORE TOMORROW MORNING

Dear Acme Insurance Company,

We would like you to pay the death benefit from our policy to someone who will show up in your offices later today wearing a mullet wig, baseball cap, sunglasses and an obviously fake moustache. They will have as proof of our demise as a fuzzy out of focus photograph of a graveside ceremony. Please make the check out to Undisclosed Recipients.

Thank you,

Undisclosed Recipients

That would be about as effective, don’t you think?

THANKS, PLEASE WE ARE EXPECTING FOR THE PAYMENT RECEIPT URGENT.THIS IS
THE NAMED ( MR JOHN OBI ) YOU ARE MANDATED TO COMPLY TO US WITH THE
PAYMENT SLIP.AND HOW LONG ARE YOUR GOING TO SEND THE MONEY TELL ME OK
GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY EASTER. YOU ARE STILL HOLDING THIS YOUR FUND IN
THIS UBA BANK $4.8 MILLION DOLLARS GO AND MAKE THIS PAYMENT AND
RECEIVE YOUR FUND INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. THIS IS MONEY GRAM5G
INFORMATION

Please slow down. This is a lot of information for a dead person to absorb. If we are still holding the money why do we need to pay $55 to get it back from us? We do not remember being schizophrenic. Do we?

RECEIVER NAME :…….MR JOHN OBI
COUNTRY……………BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY……………………COTONOU
QUESTION…………..HOW LONG
ANSWER…………….TODAY
AMOUNT…………….$55.00 USD
MTCN…………..
SENDERS
NAME……..

WE AWAIT FOR THE PAYMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TOMORROW MORNING.
YOUR URGENT RESPOND IS HIGHLY NEEDED.AND REMEMBER TO CALL ME AS SOON
AS YOU RECEIVE THIS MAIL REGARD .THANK YOU.

It’s always a big rush isn’t it. This is probably how the money got misplaced in the first place.

+229 99 451 433
THANKS MY REGARDS
REV DR.PETER CHRIS:

Apparently Dr. Chris attended divinity school during the course of writing this.

Alas, once again, we must conclude that this is a FRAUD.

That is all.

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