Happy Holidaze

Once again, we have received a letter from the government where they are trying to help us get some money.

That right there is enough to make us want to cry foul, as they traditionally seem to feel for their part that it is better to receive than to give. But let’s examine the rest of it just in case there’s precedent being set.

Reply-To: <mrssusanrice909@yahoo.co.jp>
From: HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICE <mrjohnpeters@live.com>
Subject: U.S. Department Of Homeland Security,
Date: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 15:41:47 +0000

It has always puzzled us (and continues to do so) as to why, with all its resources (not to mention the ability to print money at will), the United States government can’t master the art of setting up email servers, choosing instead to rely on companies like LIVE.COM and in this case, the Japanese version of Yahoo. But who are we to say.

US flag   Official web site of the Department of Homeland Security

TSA Holiday Travel Updates

The Transportation Security Administration provides updates for travelers ahead of the holiday travel season.


Learn More

Obviously these two gentlemen have not seen Firefly or the movie SERENITY or they would be running faster.

While it’s nice to think that the TSA is looking out for us, we are a little lost as to which holiday season they are preparing for.

Here’s what the next week has to offer:

Saturday Mar 22 Nevruz Day Albania
Saturday Mar 22 Persian New Year (day 3) Azerbaijan
Saturday Mar 22 Norooz Holiday Iran
Saturday Mar 22 Nauryz (Day 2) Kazakhstan
Sunday Mar 23 Persian New Year (day 4) Azerbaijan
Sunday Mar 23 Day of the sea Bolivia
Sunday Mar 23 Norooz Holiday Iran
Sunday Mar 23 Nauryz (Day 3) Kazakhstan
Sunday Mar 23 Pakistan Day Pakistan
Monday Mar 24 Memorial Day Argentina
Monday Mar 24 Persian New Year (day 5) Azerbaijan
Monday Mar 24 Saint Joseph’s Day Colombia
Monday Mar 24 Norooz Holiday Iran
Monday Mar 24 Nauryz (Day 2) observed Kazakhstan
Monday Mar 24 Nauryz (Day 3) observed Kazakhstan
Tuesday Mar 25 Persian New Year (extra holiday) Azerbaijan
Tuesday Mar 25 Greek Independence Day Cyprus
Tuesday Mar 25 25th of March Greece
Tuesday Mar 25 Anniversary of the Arengo San Marino
Tuesday Mar 25 Maryland Day United States
Wednesday Mar 26 Persian New Year (extra holiday 2) Azerbaijan
Wednesday Mar 26 Independence Day Bangladesh
Wednesday Mar 26 Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole Day United States
Saturday Mar 29 Youth Day Taiwan

Tuesday and Wednesday look like the big ones for the United States, so plan accordingly.

U.S. Department Of Homeland Security,
Mg Timothy J. Lowenberg, Adjutant General And Director State Military
Department Washington Military Dept., Bldg1 Camp Murry ,Wash
98430-5000 USA
Tel/Fax: 1 202-343-4011

With regard to Timothy Lowenstein, we are familiar with Mr., Mrs., Miss and Ms.

What is Mg? Multi-gendered? One can only guess, but we digress.

Welcome to Homeland Security, With all due respect ,we want to inform you about your ATM CARD package which is under our custody here in USA, we stopped your ATM CARD package on the process DHL COURIER COMPANY delivery your package to your designation .but  because DHL COURIER COMPANY is not with INTERNATIONAL STAMP DUTY PERMIT, we are here to serve you better once you get the INTERNATIONAL STAMP DUTY PERMIT

The style of writing used above is generally reserved for scripts and screenplays where the use of CAPITAL LETTERS allows prop people and such to quickly scan the script looking for items which may need procurement and to allow others to find character names quickly.

It did conjure a vision of a lonely little ATM card sitting in a dank and dreary cell singing to itself.

Once again we are mystified by the delivery method. While we are not familiar with foreign ATM’s, we can’t imagine that the cards would be much larger than the massive 2 x 3.5 inch pieces of plastic used in the United States.

We have never received one except in a number 10 business envelope, which does not require a courier company to transport it in a truck or a plane.

be informed that we are about to give account to the Federal Government in respect of discovered lost Fund  as Anti-Terrorist Fund or drug Fund in 4 days and i want you to bear in mind that if you fail to get the INTERNATIONAL STAMP DUTY PERMIT in 3 days,your ATM CARD package will be terminate as one of the lost Fund, based on that, you have only 3 days to get the certificates

Are they giving the account to the government or are they giving an account to the government? See, even little words like the and an can change the meaning of the whole thing.

Lost? How did they lose it? We are beginning to understand why the lines at the airport have gotten so long.

Finally, we want to be be rest assure that once you get the INTERNATIONAL STAMP DUTY PERMIT, we will accompany DHL COURIER COMPANY  with your ATM CARD package to your doorstep, if you will? view the attach to see my official I.D Card

Will there be a motorcade? How many of them are coming with the DHL truck? Won’t that look suspicious? Just put the damned thing in an envelope and give to the Post Office. I’m sure they’d be willing to take it.

Awaiting for your response

Sincerely Yours,
Janet Napolitano
Secretary Of The Department Of Homeland Security
Department of Homeland Security Chief FOIA Officer

Looks like Mg Timothy didn’t make it to the end of the letter. Either that or Janet is moonlighting as his secretary.


This is not a happy looking woman.

official I.D CARD (2)

At any rate. Should you receive a message similar to this, do not respond. Nothing good will come of it.

This is a fraud.

That is all.

This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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