Today we have a nice letter from a nice old lady in some other part of the world who wants to give us some nice money.
That hardly ever happens to us.
Subject: DONATION FOR CHARITABLE
From: mrs.Anita Kumar
Date Sent: 10/24/2012 1:55:34 PM
DONATION FOR CHARITABLE
I AM MRS. ANITA STHER KUMAR, FROM REPUBLIC OF IRELAND,
BORN IN THE STATE OF OHIO USA.
We have a feeling that Mrs. Kumar may not be telling us the truth.
Sther is at best, not a common Irish name, assuming that it’s her maiden name. It is also unusual for someone born in Ohio, USA to be from the Republic of Ireland.
Additionally, Ireland did not declare as a republic until 1949 and as we’ll see later, Mrs. Kumar is at least 91 years old, so she would have been born before the Irish Free State and would not be from the Republic of Ireland even if Ohio, USA had moved there temporarily in 1921.
I AM LEGALLY MARRIED TO MR. JOHN KUMAR, A BENIN CITIZEN BORN
BROUGHT UP IN SWITZERLAND, I LIVE IN SWITZERLAND WITH MY HUSBAND
FOR 32 YEARS BEFORE WE MOVE DOWN TO BENIN COTONOU IN 1985
Wouldn’t being born in Switzerland make him Swiss or is this just Coo-Coo.
Ohio USA, Republic of Ireland, Switzerland and Benin. It’s a wonder she and her husband met at all. So from 1953 until 1985 they lived in Switzerland and then what? They decided to trade up?
AFTER MY HUSBAND RETIREMENT IN 1974, I AM 91 YEARS OLD BY THE
GRACE OF GOD, I AM A NEW CHRISTIAN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM
LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST.
We are still trying to work out what she means here. We are clear that her husband retired in 1974. We have no problem with that although we again question why one would leave Switzerland for Benin.
That’s why punctuation is so important. All those commas muddy the intent.
Is she saying that she’s 91 now, or that she was 91 when he retired and that she’s 129 now?
Also, Benin seems an odd place to go to find Christ, but what do we know.
Another thing, and we’ve seen this before, there seems to be a correlation between converting to Christianity late in life (and in Africa) and suddenly being struck down with a fatal malady.
“Find Christ and Die” doesn’t sound very appealing.
ALL INDICATION FROM MY DOCTOR THAT MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY
DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WOULDN’T LIVE MORE
THAN TWO MONTHS, ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS AND IN ALL INDICATION
REGARDS TO MEDICAL ANALYSIS.
First – in either case at age 91 or 129, just take the two months and enjoy.
Second – we detect the subtle hand of the Department of Redundancy Department.
THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER DISEASE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE
THAT NO HOPE FOR ME TO BE A LIVING PERSON AGAIN.
We were unaware that cancer had a good stage aside from not having cancer at all.
We do not recall having received email from a zombie before. We must mark today on the calendar.
MY DEAR HUSBAND WAS INVOLVED WITH THE JANUARY 2000 KENYA
AIRWAYS PLANE CRASHED AS YOU CAN SEE ON THE NEWS LINE
What a strange way to refer to being killed in a plane crash. The article lists one person from Switzerland, but none from Benin, so we can only assume that they never updated their driver’s licenses.
57 YEARS PERIOD OF MARRIAGE LIFE, STILL WE COULD NOT PRODUCE
ANY CHILD, MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS
DEATH, I INHERITED SOME PART OF HIS BUSINESS AND MONEY DEPOSIT
FINANCE SAFE KEEPING SECURITY COMPANY HERE.
Fifty-seven years of marriage and they kept trying up until the bitter end. That’s perseverance for you. One wonders how well they would have tolerated the terrible twos had they had an eleventh hour success.
We also wonder where they were from 1943 until they turned up in Switzerland in 1953.
Could zere be zomezing she’s not telling us?
She’s given us so many other irrelevant bits of information, why not share that too?
THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN TWO
MONTHS AND WARN ME TO DECEASE FROM THINKING OVER WHO IS GOING
TO INHERIT ME,
We know about the two months. As we said, take them and run. As far as inheriting her goes, we have questions.
Is she suggesting that we’d receive a cremation urn or is she planning on having herself stuffed and mounted?
We need to know. We are running out of space in the trophy room and the mantle is already quite full.
TODAY I HAVE DECIDED TO DONATE CONTRIBUTE TO THE
LESS PRIVILEGES, CHARITY AND ORPHANAGE HOMES. I MADE THIS DECISION
AFTER LISTING TO THE NEWS LINE ABOUT 100 YEARS OLD WOMAN WHO
SECRETLY DONATE HER FORTUNE UPONHER DEATH,
As is the case with these emails, we must assume that the little circle being let in on this proposal only encompasses most of the people on the planet.
I CHOOSE YOU AFTER VIEWING YOUR PROFILE AND I HAVE CONFIDENT IN
YOUBECAUSE I HAVE PRAYED.
We were thinking, since she’s new to Christianity, do you think we should send her a copy of our pamphlet “The Dashboard”?
It outlines many of the precepts of the Church of Latter Day Edsel Hubcap Salesmen.
It is similar in size and scope to the “Watchtower” put out by one of our competitors, but with more full color photographs.
Living a life in service to our Ford has its advantages.
We are a very enlightened group. Women are even allowed to drive with their top down.
And if you’re feeling down and need a lift, we encourage the use of hydraulics.
They get one up and about much faster than therapy sessions.
I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $12.5M U.S DOLLARS, TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED. PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT THIS FUND IS STILL IN THE FINANCE SAFE KEEPING SECURITY COMPANY WHERE MY HUSBAND DEPOSITED IT. I AM GOING TO ADVICE THE DIRECTOR OF THE FINANCE SAFE KEEPING SECURITY COMPANY TO CHANGE MY LAST WILL TO YOUR NAME AND FILE IN AN APPLICATION FOR THE RELEASE AND DELIVERY OF THE MONEY IN YOUR NAME.
Ah, so this genius has left twelve and a half million dollars lying around in a box for twelve years and now at the age of ninety plus has decided that maybe she should do something with it.
We would bet that she has cats. Lots and lots of cats.
Old ladies with fortunes in boxes always have more money than sense, but not more money than cats, as a rule.
We always were under the impression that changing a will needed lawyers and witnesses and such. The laws must be a bit more relaxed over there.
LASTLY, I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL
BE USED FOR THE SAID PURPOSE EVEN THOUGH I AM LATE THEN OR ALIVE,
BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT
CHRIST IS VANITY ACCORDING TO THE WISEST KING IN ISRAEL KING SOLOMON,
AND I MADE THE PROMISE TO GOD THAT THE FUND WILL BE USE TO HELP THE
NEEDY AND THE LESS PRIVILEGE,
King Solomon, or at least the King Solomon whom most people consider to be the King Solomon was born about a thousand years before Christ, when last we checked. We are fairly certain he was quite dead by Christmas.
Unless the wise King Solomon was Dr. Emmet Brown / Flux Capacitor wise, we doubt that he had much to say one way or the other regarding the vanity of Christ.
But that’s just our opinion.
We could be wrong.
MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP
OF GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, PLEASE FURTHER DISCUSSION
CONTACT ME HERE: I AWAIT URGENT REPLY.
MRS. ANITA STHER KUMAR
While we wish Mrs. Kumar well, actually we are not sure what we wish Mrs. Kumar.
Judging from the date she sent this letter, it’s a safe bet she won’t be getting home for Christmas. Close, but missed it by that much.
We will not wait for Mrs. Kumar’s money. It will never come.
Don’t let yourself be fooled if she tries to ply her feminie wiles on you either.
This is a Fraud.
That is all.