Peace On You

We receive quite a few emails from politicians we do not know, or rather from people we do not know pretending to be politicians they do not know either. Almost all of them are offering to make us rich, as if we would not be richer for having known them – the real politicians that is, not the miscreants who write to us.

A great number of them, such as the one below come from people who are about to die and are attempting to set the record straight.

In the case that follows it seems that setting the record straight involves helping to defraud the South African government.

We are a bit unclear as to how that sets things right, but read on and perhaps you will be able to explain it to us.

Sent: Tuesday, March 06, 2012 3:12 PM 
To: undisclosed recipients:

PHONE –+27785380932

It seems that in signing up for Yahoo that another Mrs Maria Bongi Ntuli got there first. What were the odds on that?

In a rather remarkable coincidence, or near coincidence, or perhaps just a totally unrelated fact, there is a Ms. Bongi Maria Ntuli in South Africa who actually is a Deputy Minister of Trade and Industry in South Africa.

Unlike the writer of this missive, Ms. Ntuli, whose web page is viewable via the link above, has a real South African government email address and does not seem to need to use a British ( or Chinese ( email address to communicate.

However, as she also has nothing to do with the contents of this email, we shall speak no more about her, aside from mentioning that, judging from her photograph, she doesn’t appear to be knocking on death’s door and secondly, given her educational achievements, we would assume that her command of English is several notches above the language skills which we assume will be in evidence below.

My Dearest in Christ,

My Name Is MARIA BONGI NTULI Currently The Deputy Minister Of Social Development Of South Africa. I Have Served In Many Capacities Towards Nation Building.

Ah, another graduate of the “Let’s Capitalize Every Word In The Sentence Whether It Makes Any Sense Or Not” school of creative writing.

You can view my profile at .click on government contact information’s, click on deputy ministry’s and locate Social development and read about me.

Should you bother to follow the instructions outlined above you will discover a Ms. Bathabile Olive Dlamini, a Ms. Queen Zondo and a Ms.. Mamokoena Yvonne Mefolo, but no Maria Bongi Ntuli. There is a Ms. Bongi Maria Ntuli listed here, looking healthy and active. According to that page she made a speech on August 12.

Again, we must mention that Ms. Bongi Maria Ntuli has nothing whatsoever to do with what is going on here. We apologize for bring her up again.

I am Married to late Mr. Zuma Ntuli and the marriage lasted for 25 years with only a child . My husband died of an illness that lasted for only 6weeks.

We would like to point out that the correct statement would be that she was married to the late Mr. Ntuli and that the contract between them became null and void following his six-week illness.

Normally under these circumstances, we are informed about a quick spousal death after a lengthy marriage without a child.

We are not sure what to make of this revelation. We can only assume we shall be battling heirs for the Ntuli family fortune.

I Know my mail may come to you as a surprise, reason for we have not seen or meet before am soliciting for your help, as I am divinely directed .Before my husband’s death, we were pure born again Christians.

First, if your god sent you to us, we would suggest investing in another god. We personally like the Church of Latter Day Edsel Hubcap Salesmen, where one can lead a quiet life in service to our Ford, but that might not work for everyone.

Second, we are always amazed by the number of African born again Christian widows who are unable to find help from any source other than randomly trolling the Internet. One would think that with the amount of money at their disposal they might consider forming a African Born Again Christian Widows Clearing House to disburse their money – that or pool their funds and get a group health insurance plan.

When my husband was alive, we deposited the sum of 30.5million used in a financial institution here in my country, and the fund emanated as a result of an over invoiced contract he did with my former ministry.

We are also astonished at the inability of these born again Christian widows to grasp the concept that over-invoicing, and thereby defrauding, a government might be considered a sin, if not grand larceny, in some areas of the world.

Additionally, as the government agency was the widow’s own ministry, one might add embezzlement to the list.

Though I assisted him in securing the contract, but I never knew he overinflated the contract. The government we are in under Comrade Jacob Zuma came up with a policy to review contracts awarded years ago, and he is poised to confiscating funds with irregular tender, hence my contacting you.

She contacted us because the government is going to confiscate the money she and her husband embezzled and we are supposed to help hide the money. Is that the plan?

Recently, my doctor told me that I will not last up to 6months, because of my diagnosis of cancer .my most pressing problem is the stroke, which I am managing before this new medical case.

She has cancer and has had a stroke and now there is something else going on. What now, a hangnail?

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or better still, a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in.

One must wonder what the churches in South Africa must be like if randomly trolling the internet is a better solution than dealing with them.

I want a person or church that will use this fund to churches, orphanages, research centers and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.

If God’s house needs maintaining, then try Angie’s list. We are not a maid service.

The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that gives.

What does the Bible have to say about the hand that embezzles from the South African government?

I took this decision because I have a child that will inherit this money but my son cannot carry out this work only because I and my late husband decide to use some of the money to work for God and live some for our son to have a better live.

Her son will not inherit the money if she’s going to give it away.

Our son is just 15years old now, and is growing up in Africa, he have low maturity hence the reason for taking this bold decision.

We are getting the feeling that once Ms. Ntuli dies, the boy will be kicked to the curb.

With regards to his growing up in Africa, with thirty million dollars he could grow up any where he might choose. We would be happy to share a flat with him in Montenegro.

I am not afraid of death hence I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.

We would suggest that Ms. Ntuli might consider praying to Saint Parthenius, not that he’s likely to help, but he does seem to be familiar with embezzling.

I will like you to understand that my contact to you is a divine direction from God;

Again, we wonder what is wrong with her god that he/she/it would send her our way.

 As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Finance/bank .I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund..

We shall wait with bated breath.

My happiness is that I live a life of a worthy Christian.

We would suggest that at this stage of the game, Ms. Ntuli might concentrate on dying well.

Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose.

We can only assume that the previous statement is a thinly veiled threat. The nerve of some people, threatening to give our imaginary millions to someone else.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here and Please I will like you to contact me immediately you receive this mail so that I will instruct the inane/bank to! Transfer this fund into your account.

We must assume that inane bank is a Freudian slip.

Correspondence must be by email to any of my private e-mail addresses. DONT CALL MY OFFICE LINE Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

We promise. We will not call your office line. We are certain that the person answering the phone will have no idea what any of this is about.


We do not understand why people feel obligated to write such things to us.

We do understand that nothing good would come from replying.

Sadly, this letter, like so many before and so many yet to come, is a Fraud.

Should Ms. Ntuli drag her disease-ridden carcass to your mail box along with her tale of woe, do not feel the slightest twinge of remorse while clicking delete.

Do not respond, it just encourages them.

That is all.

This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Peace On You

  1. jny_jeanpretty says:

    This was great! However I Must Admit That I Do Enjoy It When You Respond, Even Though You Know It Is A Fraud.
    I also must observe that I like this woman’s name a lot. It is so mellifluous, I could sit around and say it all day.
    Thanks for a fun post.

    • Ellis Tyd says:

      You’re welcome. It’s nice to know that someone actually reads these.
      I write back to a lot of them but I suspect I may be on a list. Fewer and fewer write back anymore.

      • jny_jeanpretty says:

        I would be thrilled to forward some of my own personal idiots to you, if you like. They seem at the moment to be preoccupied with my “evil neighbors” in any number of ways!!!. A bit off the beaten track, but still…

      • Ellis Tyd says:

        Evil neighbors? Sounds like a fun neighborhood.

      • jny_jeanpretty says:

        HAHAHAHA!!!! XOX thanks for making me smile

  2. Lillian Boyington says:

    According to this website of known fraudulent emails there’s apparently four (4) Mrs. MARIA BONGI NTULI’s. Who would have thunk?

    Thanks for the entertainment.

  3. pedro21011 says:

    I wonder how long this one has been going around. I received one with a few changes in it (for example, “Finance” instead of “inane”) just this morning. My first question, which the writer does not answer, is why ‘she’ would keep her profile at (in the first paragraph) which is based in a foreign country (Zambia). Why not in South Africa if she is a political functionary there?

    Fortunately for her, the cancer, stroke, and possible hangnail must be in remission judging by the dates of the previous comments. So it appears that we needn’t concern ourselves too seriously with her imminent demise.

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