21st Century Schizoid man

We appropriate our title today from King Crimson.

We heard from our dear friend Ban Ki Moon of the United Nations again the other day.

It was almost synchronistic as the cat had just mentioned that it had been a while since we’d heard from our dear friend Ban Ki Moon of the United Nations.

Here’s what dear Ban had to say.

From: Mr.Ban Ki-Moon
Sent: Saturday, June 23, 2012 2:22 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: COMPENSATION FOR SCAMMED VICTIM/ US$750,000.00

We were somewhat hurt by the undisclosed-recipients address as we have never sent his Christmas cards to “Occupant”.

UNITED NATION
3 Whitehall Court London
SW1A 2EL United Kingdom

We were surprised to see that he had moved. We thought he liked New York.

We wonder what the waterfront in New York looks like now that the building is in London. We’ll have to check Google Earth later.

Attention:
How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this mail came to you. I wish to inform you that we have been having a meeting with the IMF for the past 1 month now which ends yesterday in regards to innocent individual who has been a victim of scam that was going on in African and Europe, this Organization(UNITED NATIONS) have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$750,000.00.

We have always been confused as to why the United Nations would be willing to send us $750,000 on the one hand and then have little children go door to door collecting pennies at Halloween. It’s just never made any sense to us.

This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their Contract sum, and some people that have an unfinished transaction / International Businesses that failed due to one problem or the other.

So it would seem that they had a very good penny collection last fall.

Going through our data base your email contacts and name was found on the list and that is why we are contacting you for you to receive your own compensation and this said money will be paid via ATM MASTER CARD Payment Method which is the easiest and safer way of receiving without any hindrance and it will issued to you from our Authorized Bank in Nigeria(Africa).

ATM Master Card payments are the easiest and safer way of receiving money in much the same way that the shortest distance between two points goes through Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

You are advised to contact Mr.Herbert Wigwe on this Email: acbkplc@w.cn as he is our Legal Representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for your own ATM MASTER CARD,you should send him your full Name and telephone number your confidential address where you want him to send the Card.

We wonder why Mr. Wigwe has a Chinese email address, but we try not to wonder too hard. Such wonderings have been known to cause headaches in laboratory rats.

Hoping to hear from you as soon as you receive your MASTER CARD.

Best regards,
Mr.Ban Ki-Moon
Secretary-General

So, they found our name and email address in their data base did they?

We decided to test the theory.

Sent to Mr. Wigwe’s Chinese email address: Sat 6/23/2012 5:10 PM

It says in the letter below that my name was in the database.

For 20 points — What is my name?

[We quoted the email above in its entirety.]

On Sun 6/24/2012 at 10:12 PM we revieved the following:

Attention Respected funds owner,

Mr. Ellis Tyd,,

Before you applaud their industriousness, the original email was to a different email address and if you google your own email address, your name will probably pop up somewhere, especially if you have ever posted anything to the internet.

Your e-mail has been received. The truth remains that your fund US$10,000,000.00 will be release to you smoothly and easily if truly you will understand that your fund has been Approved to be release to you.

Our email has been received. We never would have guessed that.

We do remember that we were inquiring about a $750,000 payment.

We will not turn our nose up at a $9,250,000 raise however.

You are advice to send your below details to enable us commence on your fund release.

We have tried explaining to other such creatures that if we were to be advice, we would most certainly be bad advice in most cases.

Information required from you are:

Your full Name:
Your Address :
Your Occupation:
Home / Cell Phone:
Scan Copy of your ID Card:
Sex:
Age:

It was clearly stated in the original letter that this information was in their database. We see no reason to repeat it.

Waiting for your prompt response.

Regards,
Mr. Tarachaty Pejual
Payment Department
Tel: +(66)8 43544864
Fax: (66)2273-9408

Excuse us, Mr. Pejual, but we were speaking to Mr. Wigwe on behalf of our dear friend Ban Ki Moon. Who exactly are you and where did you come from?

We responded to Mr Pejual on Mon 6/25/2012 at 9:12 AM with the following:

And just for future reference

This is what the original email I got said:

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this mail came to you. I wish to inform you that we have been having a meeting with the IMF for the past 1 month now which ends yesterday in regards to innocent individual who has been a victim of scam that was going on in African and Europe, this Organization(UNITED NATIONS) have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$750,000.00.

How did it become $10 million dollars.

Did you forget which scam I was responding to?

On Tue 6/26/2012 12:19 AM Mr. Pejual felt obliged to respond.

Attention Respected funds owner,

Mr. Ellis Tyd,,

For your information, This is not scam.

No of course it isn’t.

The sky is not blue.

Water is not wet.

The Pope is not Catholic.

All your base are not belong to us.

All politicians are honest and have our best interests at heart.  (Please be patient as this link loads).

We have conclusively with due respect explain to you that this is not a scam.

We’re sorry Mr. Pejual, but coming from you that means almost nothing.

The arrangement which we have made is to allow you have an account with us here in Bangkok and we shall open up an account and send you your ATM and you can withdraw money from your ATM and also withdraw from your Account with us but via Internet Online transfer.

Usually they offer to send an ATM card. It seems that Mr. Pejual is going to send us the ATM itself.

We don’t know for certain yet, but we strongly suspect that shipping an ATM loaded with $10,000,000 is going to be pricey.

On the other had with a little judicious application of force we could get the entire $10,000,000 without having to withdraw it $1,000 a day for the next 28 years.

Of course if the entire $10,000,000 is in the ATM, what would we withdraw via Internet Online transfer?

So many unknowns.

We want you to understand that we does not do scam in Thailand Bangkok, because our internet facility is sealed against scammed.

Well, there’s a bold statement.

It’s a pity Diogenes didn’t head east.

Mr. Pejual could make a fortune through legitimate means selling his internet facility sealer — assuming that it actually worked — which it obviously doesn’t.

I will advice you to remove doubt and fear, we shall work on your fund release as quickly as possible.

Just as we are not advice, neither is advice a verb.

Regards,

Mr. Tarachaty Pejual
Payment Department
Tel: +(66)8 43544864
Fax: (66)2273-9408

We responded to Mr. Pejual on Tue 6/26/2012 at 7:15 AM.

Are you serious?

Read a few of these and then decide if you want to try to convince me that you’re real.

www.howtospotafraud.com

http://www.arrse.co.uk/naafi-bar/182202-arrse-foreign-legion-31.html

http://www.wrightwoodcalif.com/forum/index.php?topic=18012.50

Did you know that Mr. Thanapat Chooposil has the same phone number as you? He works at the Kasikorn Bank of Thailand.

Go find a nice ladyboy and settle down. Find another line of work.

Perhaps we were a bit harsh on Mr. Pejual.

Then again, perhaps not, as he did not take the hint.

Regarding the term “ladyboy”, the Thai term is “Kathoey”. This is what Wikipedia has to say on the subject. Explore further at your own peril.

Received Tue 6/26/2012 at  1:15 PM

Attention Respected funds owner,

Mr. Ellis Tyd,,

Your e-mail has been received. The truth remains that your fund US$10,000,000.00 will be release to you smoothly and easily if truly you will understand that your fund has been Approved to be release to you.

You are advice to send your below details to enable us commence on your fund release.

Information required from you are:

Your full Name:
Your Address :
Your Occupation:
Home / Cell Phone:
Scan Copy of your ID Card:
Sex:
Age:

Waiting for your prompt response.

Regards,
Mr. Tarachaty Pejual
Payment Department
Tel: +(66)8 43544864
Fax: (66)2273-9408

This is merely a repeat of his earlier message.

We felt obliged to point that out.

Sent Tue 6/26/2012 at 2:08 PM

Now you’re just repeating yourself.

Have you read any of my previous emails?

It is currently 3:55 PM where we are. We have no idea what time it is wherever Mr. Pejual is.

Perhaps he’s snuggled away for the night in his comfy bunny pajamas with fluffy feet.

We do not know.

We may never hear from Mr. Pejual again.

Then again he may pop up any moment.

One never knows.

Should you hear from him, tell him we said “Die”  Hi.

Better still don’t say anything to him at all.

We do know that, regardless of how hard he may rail against the idea,  he is a Fraud.

That is all. (for now)

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 21st Century Schizoid man

  1. jny_jeanpretty says:

    You always make me laugh.
    jean

  2. Pingback: You can’t keep a good man down – or it appears that some spammers bounce. | How to spot a Fraud

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s