Close Encounters with a Burnt Mind.

We have been engaged in a rather odd email conversation for the past few days with very strange and persistent opponent.

We received the following email, which seemed to follow most ot the conventions of the typical “We have you money, pay us and it’s yours” schemes.

It went as follows:

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

Typical anonymous greeting. “Dear who ever finds this….”.

NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT OF ( USD$3.5m) THREE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS THROUGH SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC,THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM IS THREE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS PER DAY.

As is common with ATM cards such as this, it will take nearly three years to withdraw all the money assuming we visit an ATM everyday.

SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY,PLEASE LET ME KNOW BY CONTACTING ZENITH BANK ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW.

Actually we’d rather not receive it in this way, but that’s for another time and place.

1. FULL NAME__________________
2. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
3. YOUR TELPHONE NUMBER_________
4. YOUR FAX NUMBER______
5. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION_________
6. ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION_________________

As usual, it seems they have no idea who we are or where we live.

HOWEVER, KINDLY CONTACT THE BELOW PERSON WHO IS IN POSITION TO RELEASE YOUR ATM PAYMENT CARD.

BARR(SAN)MORGAN MICHEAL,
DIRECTOR, ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT.
PHONE:+234-81-2172-72-34
EMAIL: (atm_paying_center@live.com)

A lawyer with a misspelled name is always a sign of authenticity.

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT YOURPAYMENT AND YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(S) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT. NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HERE BY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (ATM-0411) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

ATM-0411 leaves a lot to the imagination as far as it describes a code of conduct. We suspect that Barr Micheal may have used the wrong definition of code.

REGARDS,
Barr(SAN) Morgan Micheal

Should anyone have any idea what the significance of ‘(SAN)’ is, please enlighten us.

We had a funny feeling about this one so we posted a brief reply:

Send me the name and address you have and I’ll let you know if it needs correcting.

The barrister felt obliged to reply.

Listen and read very carefully…IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY,PLEASE LET ME KNOW BY CONTACTING ZENITH BANK OR ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW. 

1. FULL NAME__________________
2. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
3. YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER_________
4. YOUR FAX NUMBER______
5. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION_________
6. ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION_________________

Thanks

REGARDS,
Barr(SAN) Morgan Micheal

It seems to be an abridged version of the previous email, focusing only on the particulars.

We decided to press on.

You aren’t listening.
Send me the name and address you have and I’ll let you know if it needs correcting.  

We seem to have forced Barr Micheal to think outside the box a bit.

Please put me in order,I did not understand you…is it my own Address or your own Address…you want to correcting?

We though that our previous communication, while short, was clear.

We appears to have been mistaken, about the clarity, that is. The brevity speaks for itself.

We decided to rephrase and try again.

You claim you have money for me.
You should have my name and address then shouldn’t you?
Send me what you think my name is and what you think my address is and I’ll tell you if it’s correct.

It’s not that difficult a concept. 

We debated as to whether the last statement would make us appear snippy, but our fears were unfounded.

AM VERY HAPPY TO SEE THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE CAREFULLY ABOUT THERE SELF BECAUSE OF WHAT IS HAPPEN TODAY IN THE INTERNET.YOU ARE RIGHT ON WHAT YOU DOING.THANKS FOR THAT.

We have clearly forced Barr Micheal off the map. He is putting up a brave front though, don’t you agree?

ON WHAT YOU SAID,THAT WE ARE CLAIMING THAT WE HAVE YOUR MONEY WITH US.YES WE HAVE IT BUT WE DON’T HAVE YOUR HOME ADDRESS ONLY YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS,THAT IS WHY WE WANT YOU TO SEND YOUR ADDRESS ACROSS TO US SO THAT YOUR ATM CARD CAN BE SENT TO YOU THROUGH COURIER COMPANY BUT REMEMBER TO ENABLE US TO DISPATCH YOUR PARCEL BY OUR DIPLOMATIC AGENT THERE ARE DIFFERENT EXPRESS CHANNELS FOR DELIVERY SYSTEM KINDLY SEE BELOW FOR THE CHARGES REQUIRED TO PAY AND CHOOSE THE ONE THAT IS MOST CONVENIENT TO YOU.

BARR.MORGAN MICHAEL 

The good barrister’s name seems to have made the acquaintance of a spell checker since our last exchange. 

Sadly, he neglected to itemize the charges needed to mail a two ounce piece of plastic, but we are certain that they would be in the triple digits as a minimum.

It has been our experience that African Diplomatic Courier Companies have high overheads and are therefore a bit pricy.

We still hadn’t received a satisfactory answer however, so we tried a different approach.

Can you tell me what my name is?

We waited a day or two, but didn’t hear anything back.

Not wishing to miss out on our fortune,  we sent this:

You gave up real easy

We didn’t expect an answer but…

He was still out there.

As you take me as a kid that is why i don’t want to disturb you any longer.Take care

We seem to have hurt his feelings.

We also didn’t want to leave him with the wrong impression of our intentions so we posted this brief reply.

I don’t take you as a kid. I take you as one of these http://www.hellonasled.com/ScamMailList.php

We thought that it would be fairly clear by now that we weren’t buying the pitch.

Apparently we were mistaken as this arrived shortly after our outgoing message.

I really like you for been so carefully about what is happening now on the internet and if you look very well,you will know that anything have good most have the bad side of it. 

We  have had more fruitful conversations with the cat.

That is why I don’t want to disturb you any more so that you will really use your mind than me forcing you to take what is belong to you.once more if you really want to come and claim your fund remember that you have to pay for the deliver of the ATM CARD…

Thanks

Barr.Ray Morgan

You must say this about the barrister. He’s persistent.

He also seems to have forgotten his name, or at least part of it.

We felt obliged to bring that up and took the opportunity to make our position a bit clearer.

Is sending me a picture of a forged passport supposed to convince me so send you money for an ATM card?

And up until now you’ve been Barr(San) Morgan Micheal and Barr Morgan Michael, why are you suddenly Barr Ray Morgan?

https://howtospotafraud.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/hello-is-anybody-out-there/

The post we mention above has an illustration of a poorly forged passport. Most of the errors mentioned in the post apply to the Ray Morgan passport shown above.

The most glaring error is that the text aligns perfectly with the edges of the scan while that passport itself is clearly skewed.

If you like…am not forcing you…to claim if you really know that the funds is your,s.

The barrister appears staggered but still he remains standing.

We were reminded of the scene in Snatch where Bullet Tooth Tony attempts to dispatch Boris the Blade a.k.a. Boris the Bullet Dodger. (Warning: The language is the clip includes words one might not wish to play at full volume on an iPhone at Mass in a quiet church.)

We thought about this last response and decided to take one more shot at making our position clear.

Please stop trying to pretend that you are not a scam artist. You’re just embarrassing yourself.

Thanks for the material though. It’ll make a funny post for the blog.

Unphased, our opponent did respond.

Thanks and God Bless you.

Which just left us confused.

At any rate, we feel confident in advising that any correspondence you might receive from Barr(SAN) Morgan Micheal, Barr Morgan Michael, or Barr. Ray Morgan is probably not a legitimate solicitation, despite his assurances to the contrary.

We must conclude that this is a Fraud.

That is all.

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This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Close Encounters with a Burnt Mind.

  1. jny_jeanpretty says:

    As always, you had me rolling. Thanks and God Bless YOU. Barr(San) Jean Yates

  2. I’ve gotten several emails of a similar type—always claiming they’re from Nigeria and they have money for me too! I delete them as spam & block their addresses so I don’t get any more from that particular person. Thanks for the knowledge, I’ll pass it on.

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