I don’t think you are who you think you are.

We often wonder why it is that most of our wealthy pen pals come from Africa.

We quite frequently see scenes of Africa on the television and aside from Hollywood’s lavish epics; the majority of the scenes we see lead us to conclude that twelve dollars would be a great fortune in most places.

It puzzles us as a result as to why, in a land of such obvious abundance, people such as Mrs. Elizabeth Dipuo Peters, whose acquaintance we shall soon make, find it necessary to solicit on the internet for people to whom they can give their money.

Subject: Mrs. Elizabeth Dipuo Peters, Minister of Energy South Africa (PLEASE KINDLY DOWNLOAD THE ATTACHMENT)
From: FROM MRS ELIZABETH DIPUO PETERS
To: undisclosed recipients:
Date
Sent: 6/8/2012 8:53:19 AM

Mrs. Peters, or rather the real Ms. Peters, is in fact the Minister of Energy of the Republic of South Africa. We are fairly certain we have never received an email from her, especially not at 8:53 on the morning of June 8, 2012.

Given the fact that this Mrs. Peters has contacted other people with similar yet different tales of woe, we are not exactly sure how many Mrs. Peters there are in South Africa.

At any rate, let’s see what this Mrs. Peters has in store for us. If we had to guess, we’d guess that it’s money and lots of it.

FROM MRS. ELIZABETH DIPUO PETERS
Email: elizabeth_peters5@hotmail.com

We see right away that Elizabeth uses Hotmail, the favorite email provider of sovereign governments around the world. We are surprised that Microsoft doesn’t use that in their  advertising.

“More governments use Hotmail than AOL and Gmail combined.”

Good Day,

So far, but we are certain you shall try to spoil it before to long.

Firstly, let me start by introducing myself as Mrs Elizabeth Dipuo Peters, I am visually impaired Widow, a mother of two children and former Premier of the Northern Cape Province (22 April 2004 – 10 May 2009)under the auspices of the President of South Africa, Mr Thabo Mbeki, and now elected as a Minister of Energy of the Republic of South Africa since 11 May 2009. under the auspices of the new President of South Africa, Mr. Jacob Zuma.

Well, that’s quite an introduction. We found a brief video of Mrs. Peters and we personally think that wearing eyeglasses hardly qualifies as “visually impaired”.

We have never completely understood why the writers of these emails feel that overdoing an introduction lends it credence. Have they spent their misspent youth watching old American television game shows?

“Our next contestant is Mary Lou Smith. Mary Lou hails from Dallas, Texas where she’s a home maker and mother of two. In her spare time she reconditions 40MM cannons from decommissioned A-10 “Wart Hog” aircraft and bakes pies for her local church bazaars. She also owned a Yugo from 13-May-1989 until she sold it on 26-July-1993. She used the profits from the sale to purchase a Happy Meal which she shared with her cihldren.”

Why spend an entire paragraph telling us your someone’s life history when we can look it up on the Internet just as easily as you did?

I got your contact curtsey in our foreign information exchange in South Africa on a personal request in search of a reliable and trustworthy foreign individual, though we have not melt before, After due deliberation with my children, I decided to contact you for your assistance in standing as a beneficiary to the sum of US$30.5M ( Thirty Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only)

Curtsey: A gesture of respect or reverence made chiefly by women by bending the knees with one foot forward and lowering the body.

I do not think it means what you think it means.

“though we have not melt before.”

I do not think it means what you think it means.

You can view my profile at My(http://www.info.gov.za/gol/gcis_profile.jsp?id=1024 ) Elizabeth Dipuo Peters and read about me,

Strangely, this is the same link we had discovered earlier.

My husband Mr.John N.Peters died during Apartheid war in South Africa in 1986,After his death I discovered that he had some funds in a dollar account which amounted to the sum of US$30.5M with a security and finance institution in South Africa of which I will divulge information to you when I get your full consent and support to go for a change of beneficiary and subsequent transfer of the funds into you a comfortable and conducive account of your choice, and my late husband kept this fund for a purpose of foreign investment for my children.

If you’ve forgotten about the Aparthwid War know this: if you Google “The Apartheid War” you will discover that Google cannot remember it either. Your memory has not failed you yet.

So let us see if we understand this all up to this point.

You, Mrs. Peters, and your children, the youngest of whom would be approximately twenty-five years old, and that’s assuming that you were pregnant at the time of your husband’s death twenty-six years ago, have been sitting on thirty million five hundred thousand dollars since 1986 and suddenly felt the urge to do something with it right now.

Did you ever mention the money to the children?

Did they ever suggest that you might retire comfortably to someplace less turbulent that Africa, like say, the Bahamas?

Did the idea of being rich so disgust them that they suggested leaving the money to rot somewhere while you toiled on as a politician?

Are we to understand that this is more or less how things have gone?

This fund emanated as a result of an over-invoiced contract which he executed with the Government of South Africa.

Ah, so he, while working in the private sector, embezzled the money from the South African government and your decision, knowing this, was to go to work for the very government which your husband defrauded?

Is this what is known as hiding in plain sight?

Also, has no one in South Africa ever tried to figure out where the money went?

What was your husband doing that he was able to over bill a government by over thirty million dollars and have no none notice?

I am offering you 20% of the principal sum which amounts to US$6,100.000.00 (Six million One Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only)And 5% will be for Any expenses that both of us may Incure in this transaction.

We suspect that we might be better off merely turning you in to the South Africa government after we negotiate a 10% finder’s fee. Thirty point five million dollars at six percent for twenty-five years yields a bit over one hundred three million dollars, that would be a little over ten million as a finder’s fee plus any rewards that might be available.

Thank you for you offer, but we’ve found a better arrangement.

And another 5%will go for Motherless babes home.

We have seen reference to this motherless babes cloning before. Is Africa leading the cloning race? Additionally, the Susan Shabangu mentioned in the previous post seems to have a similarly misfortunate life.

Then again, for five percent of thirty million, we might even be willing to harbor a few babes in our own humble abode, motherless or otherwise.

However, you have to assure me and also be ready to go into agreement with me that you will not elope with my fund. If you agree to my terms, kindly as a matter of urgency send me email only: elizabeth_peters5@hotmail.com

Mrs. Peter’s apprehension regarding passing thirty point five million of her hard stolen dollars to a total stranger dredged at random from the internet hardly seems unreasonable.

If you want to speak with my elder son that is fine and okay by me. you can contact my son on his direct line+27-82-813-7020 or any time you want to speak with me then i will give you my private numbers so that we can talk more about the transfer, Moreover the name of my Son is {Mr.Jordan Peters } Please I do not need to remind you of the need for absolute Confidentiality of this transaction.

Perhaps we could do better that the ten million finder’s fee if we were to apply a certain amount of leverage to the son.  We could imply that his mother is willing to sell him out for nine million or so.

My regards to your family.

Mrs. Elizabeth Dipuo Peters
Minister of Energy
South Africa

Sadly, we shall have to decline this generous offer. There’s just the slightest possibility that this may be a Fraud.

So as we let another offer of wealth pass us by, we shall continue to sit quietly in the airport lounge waiting for our ship to come in.

That is all.

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This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I don’t think you are who you think you are.

  1. jny_jeanpretty says:

    made my day with this one. You are a beautiful person. I am remembering you in my will. jean

  2. Pingback: English as a Sickend Language. | How to spot a Fraud

  3. Tubbyman says:

    I’m a lawyer in the Cayman Islands and have just received a similar email, although Mrs Peters seems to have improved her spelling as you have recommended, and switched to Yahoo… Good to see she can take on positive feedback but she is quite clearly still struggling to locate someone to assist her. Unfortunately I’m only UK and Cayman qualified. Still, may be a useful referral for future work…

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