Some letters so nice, they sent them thrice…

It must have been a dull morning out there in scamland as it seems two of our correspondents aren’t giving their activities their full attention.

We received three separate copies of this brief plea from Leung Cheung over the course of twenty minutes.

Subject: Attention
From: Leung cheung
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Date Sent: 5/15/2012 7:37:19 AM

I need your assistance to transfer an abandon sum of $22,500,000.00 U.S Dollars, in my bank hang seng where i work here in Hong kong, if you are
interested get back to me so i give you more information, contact me with my
personal email (leungcheung012@07168.cn )

Mr./Mrs./Ms. Cheung doesn’t appear to have much enthusiasm for this endeavor.

One theme rampant throughout the emails we receive from alleged banks and alleged bankers is the alleged abandoned money theme.

It seems that the bank hang seng, or the Hang Seng Bank as it is more formally known, comes up a bit short in the one area that one would expect a bank to be good at.

That area being the ability to keep track of money.

As a rule, banks employ people whose job it is to keep track of money.

These people will notice immediately that you were two cents short on your minimum monthly credit card payment of $11.27 and will apply the $39 late payment fee to your account so as to reap the benefit of a full months interest on the $39 and yet M/M/M Cheung would like us to believe that he/she/it has found $22.5 million dollars which fell behind a file cabinet or something like that.

It’s enough to make one weep, when one calculates how much interest could have been gouged had that sum been available for use by the bank.

Needless to say, we do not intend to aid M/M/M Cheung in his/her/its scheme, despite  having been invited three times to do so.

Our second trifecta comes from a woman named Chelle, who has the distinction of having presented us with a story we haven’t heard before.

We might like to suggest that her time might be better spent writing screenplays and mailing them to Hollywood as her submission is neither a sequel, prequel or a reimagined television program from decades ago.

That would provide her with honorable employment and perhaps entice the rest of us to forego our meds for a month and use the money to purchase a theater ticket and perhaps pawn our watch for a large popcorn as well.

Subject: Please view the attachment for more details
From: Chelle
To: undisclosed recipients:
Date Sent: 5/15/2012 7:54:05 AM

Please view the attachment for more details [View the attachment]

Having the actual invitation to the scam as an attachment allows the message to be sent more easily, which is important if you’re going to be sending it multiple times to the same people.

Dear Friend

She has no reason to assume that we would like to be her friend, but we shall let it slide, just this once.

I am seeking a real help out of this family roller-coaster that I am presently involved in.

We assume that where you are there are doors, might we suggest you use one.

It is taking a toll on my person.

Again, the secret word is doors.

I decide to start making contact before I end up being vilified for no offence of mine.

We try not to associate with vilified individuals when at all possible, so we aren’t sure that we will be of much help.

I was initially employed as a maid to a wife of a multi-millionaire Jewish business man.

That’s nice.

After my good conducts and sincerity with this family for many years; the wife recommended the husband to employ me as his personal assistance.

With what, we wonder, were you employed to assist?

I have been serving this man as assistance since then and this exposed me to many deals, mostly secretly, that this man engages in; ranging from arms deals with Russians and Chinese, diamond, gold.

Chelle, we say this with the utmost sincerity. Find a door and avail yourself of its services. If the best plan you can come up with is to solicit assistance from the internet at random then you probably should not remain where you are.

Well, I do not have any problem with my boss, but I am especially worried now because of the constant suspicion of his wife over her husband and me.

She was comfortable with you when you were the maid, but now that you actually have something to do, she’s becoming suspicious. We wonder, does she have any issues regarding the international gun runner aspect of your job or does she simply believe that he’s schtupping the maid again.

I am sorry if what I am about to say offends your true religion or person.

We are fervent members of the Church of Latter Day Edsel Hubcap Salesmen. We have a remarkably enlightened philosophy. Would you like us to send to a pamphlet outlining the benefits of a life in service to our Ford?

The wife of my boss is a lesbian and I have been trying to quit or resist her but could not because I am the bread-winner of my poor family.

Ahh, she’s not upset that your schtupping her husband, she’s upset that you’re not schtupping her. That explains a lot.

We have paragraphs to go and already this is better that Gigli or Ishtar.

My entire family depends on me just as I depend on this Jewish family entirely for everything that I earn and do.

That you keep mentioning the Jewishness of your employers suggests that there might be deeper issues here.

Apart from my normal job;

We’re sorry. What normal job?

I now serve two masters on other wrong sides…though shamefully but what could you have done if you were me with many family problems and folks going to school under my support.

We would have availed ourselves of the nearest door.

Anyway, let me not bore you with this ugly situation of mine.

No, please go on. The lesbian Jewish wife, gun running husband and ex-maid combination has a great deal of potential. It could be a comedy, a serious drama, a spy film or a Michael Bay explosion festival action film. Don’t stop on our account.

I have strategies to quit my job and this family but not without going the extra mile or committing some financial harms, if you will, to my boss, even though he will never ever feel it.

Let us get this straight. You, an ex-maid, now personal assistant, pursued by a jealous lesbian Jewish wife, are planning to embezzle money from your gun running, gold and diamond smuggling, Russian and Chinese mobster associating Jewish boss and perhaps lover without having either him or his wife becoming aware of your activities. Is that where this is headed?

May we inquire, did maid training school have a special class in international espionage?

I have access to all his local and foreign bank accounts and he even signs open checks to my name to draw money and take care of things for him in his absence.

And of course, he pays no attention to anything you do otherwise. Is that correct?

I got so close to him because he also got so close to me.

That might explain the wife’s attitude toward you. Did you not take that into consideration?

I have the codes to his diamond and gold deposits at the bank vaults, which he buys from illegal miners in Sierra Leone, Angola and Congo DRC.

We know the location of the devices necessary to launch nuclear weapons. They’re right there in that briefcase carried by one of the Presidents overly armed Secret Service agents. Knowing a thing and being able to act upon it are often quite far apart.

He is a very good friend of former Liberian war lord, Charles Taylor, and he even fathered a child in Liberia during his many visits to Liberia when Charles Taylor was the president of Liberia.

So, now what, is this jealousy on your part?

His wife is not aware of this child and he uses only me to send monies to the child.

Are you sure that’s all he’s using you for?

I have many secrets of this man that his wife does not even know.

We can only wonder.

I can access his many secret bank accounts at will and can transfer money to any account.

And yet you are soliciting random people via the internet for assistance. Are we missing something?

He only audits accounts that his wife is aware of, but other secret accounts his auditors does not know about them, only me knows.

Again, we must ask, why have you not availed yourself of a door?

He is now afraid that his wife is planning to divorce him so he begged me not to expose other things about him so that he will not lose a lot in case of a costly divorce from his wife.

We believe, based on your description of your employer and his associates, that were the wife planning a divorce, your employer’s only worry would be whether to have the blood stains washed out of the carpets or simply to have the carpets replaced.

All I need now is a very trusted person whom I can use to siphon some money before he separates from his wife and I lose because I do not know if I would still be needed by any of them after a divorce.

From what you’ve said so far, you should do well with the wife if you’re willing to switch teams.

Can you be able to do this for me?

We would be reluctant to siphon money. The longer you keep bleeding funds the more likely it is that you would be discovered. The best option, in our humble opinion, would be to take it all at once and vanish, but then we lack formal maid training, so we might be wrong.

If you are willing, I will guide you what to do and you would be receive payments from time to time until I am satisfied with enough money that I can move out before it is too late for me.

We feel that you plan doesn’t sound like it has much chance of succeeding. Let us point out a few minor points with which we take issue.

First, you have solicited us, who you do not know, under that assumption that we have the necessary death wish mentality which would prompt us to get involved with the level of international intrigue involved with stealing money from an international criminal with ties to the Russian and Chinese mobs.

Second, the wife seems perfectly willing to allow you to continue comfortably in your current position provided that position yourself for her comfort from time to time, if you take our meaning.

Third, the idea of taking money from a person such as your employer slowly over a long period of time seems to be a good way to find yourself on a milk carton in short order.

Missing

I have secured a secret number you can reach me with (Tel: …).

The number’s so secret that Chelle didn’t want to share it.

But if you call and I do not answer, just be sure that I am either with my boss or the wife, but I will surely call you back if you left a message or your number appears.

We thought you weren’t going to do the wife? Did we miss something? Also, the last thing we would do is leave our number and we certainly would block the caller ID unless we were using a throwaway prepaid cell phone.

I also normally keep the phone at the security guard’s house, just to avoid my boss or the wife noticing it because they bought a phone for me that I have always used.

How does that work?

Chelle: “Hi, could you keep this phone for me and don’t tell the boss. I’m expecting a call from someone who’s going to help me steal the boss’s money, diamonds, gold and guns and I don’t know where else to leave it.”

Security Guard: “Sure, no problem. Don’t worry about it.”

Meanwhile, I told the guard to answer if it continues to ring.

Chelle: “Oh, and could you take any messages for me if it rings? It might be my co-conspirator”

If after reading this mail you think we can do something together, feel free to contact me and I shall surely get back to you with more details.

We do not think that we shall be able to to anything with you, Ms. Chelle. The cat, on the other hand, having abandoned his revious screenplay, would be interested in perhaps obtaining the movie rights to you impending demise. You can contact him at thecat@howtospotafraud.com.

Email only, he doesn’t have a phone – no pockets.

Thank you.

Ms. Chelle  

Well, needless to say, we shall persue this no further.

This is a Fraud.

That is all.

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