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We have been disecting emails here for quite some time now and we were wondering what type of fortunes we were dismissing and so we decided to have a look.

We went back through the files and decided to have a look at February 2011. Since February is a short month, we figured it would be a good starting place since our income for the other months should certainly be higher – that and trudging through twenty-eight days worth of TYPING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS,
badly grammar,
strange; Punctuation!!!
                 strangely
                                     formatted
sentences
and
paragraphs,

 and peculiarly placed pictures
would be taxing enough.

And we were right.

It was.

It took some time and several aspirin.

The chart below details our dealings between February 1 and February 28.

Date	US Dollars	British Pounds	Us Dollars	Percentage	Total US Dollars
2/1	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/1		£9,100,000.00	$14,196,000.00	100	$14,196,000.00
2/1	$4,500,000.00		$4,500,000.00	100	$4,500,000.00
2/2	$19,581,965.32		$19,581,965.32	11	$2,154,016.19
2/2	$500,000.00		$500,000.00	100	$500,000.00
2/2	$1,200,000.00		$1,200,000.00	100	$1,200,000.00
2/3		£850,000.00	$1,326,000.00	100	$1,326,000.00
2/4	A Package				$0.00
2/5	$25,000,000.00		$25,000,000.00	40	$10,000,000.00
2/5	$10,600.00		$10,600.00	100	$10,600.00
2/5	$20,000,000.00		$20,000,000.00	100	$20,000,000.00
2/6	$2,800,000.00		$2,800,000.00	100	$2,800,000.00
2/7	$10,500,000.00		$10,500,000.00	100	$10,500,000.00
2/7	$34,700,000.00		$34,700,000.00	100	$34,700,000.00
2/7	$700,000.00		$700,000.00	100	$700,000.00
2/8	$1,000,000.00		$1,000,000.00	100	$1,000,000.00
2/8	$2,500,000.00		$2,500,000.00	100	$2,500,000.00
2/8	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/8	$8,200,000.00		$8,200,000.00	100	$8,200,000.00
2/9	A consignment Box			100	$0.00
2/9	$300,000.00		$300,000.00	100	$300,000.00
2/9		£5,287,753.00	$8,248,894.68	100	$8,248,894.68
2/9		£800,000.00	$1,248,000.00	100	$1,248,000.00
2/9	$15,800,000.00		$15,800,000.00	100	$15,800,000.00
2/9	$4,500,000.00		$4,500,000.00	100	$4,500,000.00
2/10	$15,500,000.00		$15,500,000.00	100	$15,500,000.00
2/10	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/10	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/10		£850,000.00	$1,326,000.00	100	$1,326,000.00
2/10	An inheritance		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/11	$16,700,000.00		$16,700,000.00	40	$6,680,000.00
2/11	$20,000,000.00		$20,000,000.00	50	$10,000,000.00
2/11	A Whole Fund		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/12	$2,700,000.00		$2,700,000.00	100	$2,700,000.00
2/12	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/12	$10,500,000.00		$10,500,000.00	100	$10,500,000.00
2/12	$800,000.00		$800,000.00	100	$800,000.00
2/13	$850,000.00		$850,000.00	100	$850,000.00
2/14	A Japenese Partnership		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/14	$500,000.00		$500,000.00	100	$500,000.00
2/14		£1,000,000.00	$1,560,000.00	100	$1,560,000.00
2/14	$500,000.00		$500,000.00	100	$500,000.00
2/15	$7,500,000.00		$7,500,000.00	100	$7,500,000.00
2/15	$18,500,000.00		$18,500,000.00	25	$4,625,000.00
2/15	An Unknown amount		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/15	$800,000.00		$800,000.00	100	$800,000.00
2/15		£2,500,000.00	$3,900,000.00	100	$3,900,000.00
2/16	$3,200,000.00		$3,200,000.00	100	$3,200,000.00
2/16	$17,540,000.00		$17,540,000.00	100	$17,540,000.00
2/16	$3,700,000.00		$3,700,000.00	100	$3,700,000.00
2/16	$2,000,000.00		$2,000,000.00	100	$2,000,000.00
2/16	$16,700,000.00		$16,700,000.00	100	$16,700,000.00
2/16	An invitation to a Japanese Money Laundering Scheme		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/16	$160,000,000.00		$160,000,000.00	100	$160,000,000.00
2/17	The contents of a Box		$0.00	30	$0.00
2/17	$22,500,000.00		$22,500,000.00	40	$9,000,000.00
2/17	$32,000,000.00		$32,000,000.00	30	$9,600,000.00
2/17	$950,000.00		$950,000.00	100	$950,000.00
2/18		£1,500,000.00	$2,340,000.00	100	$2,340,000.00
2/18	$8,500,000.00		$8,500,000.00	100	$8,500,000.00
2/19	$900,000.00		$900,000.00	100	$900,000.00
2/19	An inheritance		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/19	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/19		£500,000.00	$780,000.00	100	$780,000.00
2/21	$9,200,000.00		$9,200,000.00	100	$9,200,000.00
2/22	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/22		£3,500,000.00	$5,460,000.00	100	$5,460,000.00
2/22	$25,000,000.00		$25,000,000.00	100	$25,000,000.00
2/22	A fund		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/22	$10,000,000.00		$10,000,000.00	100	$10,000,000.00
2/22	$17,000,000.00		$17,000,000.00	100	$17,000,000.00
2/23	$6,000.00		$6,000.00	100	$6,000.00
2/24		£1,000,000.00	$1,560,000.00	100	$1,560,000.00
2/24	$1,000,000.00		$1,000,000.00	100	$1,000,000.00
2/24	A consignment box		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/24	$500,000.00		$500,000.00	100	$500,000.00
2/25	$3,500,000.00		$3,500,000.00	100	$3,500,000.00
2/25	$2,000,000.00		$2,000,000.00	100	$2,000,000.00
2/25	$30,100,000.00		$30,100,000.00	100	$30,100,000.00
2/26	$5,000,000.00		$5,000,000.00	100	$5,000,000.00
2/26	$4,800,000.00		$4,800,000.00	100	$4,800,000.00
2/26	Miss Jane A Lonely Heart		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/26	$1,500,000.00		$1,500,000.00	100	$1,500,000.00
2/26	80M/Mnth for an unknown period		$0.00	50	$0.00
2/26	$7,500,000.00		$7,500,000.00	100	$7,500,000.00
2/26	$500,000.00		$500,000.00	100	$500,000.00
2/26	A Nigerian Payment		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/26	$450,000.00		$450,000.00	100	$450,000.00
2/27	A share of Mubarik’s son’s $3 Billion		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/27	$800,000.00		$800,000.00	100	$800,000.00
2/28	$10,000,000.00		$10,000,000.00	100	$10,000,000.00
2/28	A Japanese Partnership		$0.00	100	$0.00
2/28	$5,600,000.00		$5,600,000.00	100	$5,600,000.00
2/28	$8,500,000.00		$8,500,000.00	100	$8,500,000.00
2/28	$10,500,000.00		$10,500,000.00	100	$10,500,000.00
					$618,310,510.87

As you can see, the verifiable total comes to $618,310,510.87, a tidy sum of money. Or to put it into the terms that are usually expressed in these emails, US SIX HUNDRED EIGHTEEN MILLION THREE HUNDRED AND TEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND TEN UNITED STATE DOLLARS AND EIGHTY SEVEN UNITED STATE CENTS($618,310,510.87USD).

Not bad for a short months work, not to mention the business deal worth half of $80Million per month for an unknown period of time, two consignment Boxes, a fund, an invitation to participate in a Japanese Money Laundering Scheme, two Japanese Partnerships, a Nigerian Payment, a Package,  a share of ex Egyptian president Mubarik’s son’s $3 Billion, a Whole Fund, two inheritances, an Unknown amount, the contents of a Box and  an invitation to tryst the light fantastic with Miss Jane, A Lonely Heart.

Given that February has only twenty eight days, one might conclude that $22,082,5118,25 pre day would be a good paycheck, but it is actually not the right amount.

It seems that February 2oth is some sort of secret unpaid holiday in Scammerville, so the actually daily figure is $22,900,389,29 per day.

If one assumes that they only celebrate Hoodie-Hoo day (credit the cat for picking up on this), and that for the other 364 days of the year they keep there noses to the grindstone, then we could assume that our yearly take would be $8,335,741,702.06 EIGHT BILLION YADA YADA YADA, $960Million per month for an unknown period of time, twenty-four consignment Boxes, twelve funds,  invitations to participate in twelve Japanese Money Laundering Schemes, twenty-four Japanese Partnerships, twelve Nigerian Payments, twelve Packages,  twelve shares of ex Egyptian president Mubarik’s son’s $3 Billion (or shares in the fortunes of twelve ex-despots), twelve Whole Funds, twenty-four inheritances, twelve Unknown amounts, the contents of twelve Boxes and  invitations to tryst the light fantastic with Miss Jane, A Lonely Heart and eleven of her friends.

Needless to say that should we maintain this pace and should the financial misdoings in Europe continue, the cat shall be getting Greece for Christmas next year instead of the traditional turkey.

That is all.