Hello, is anybody out there? Part 2….

Or “The continuing Adventures of Susan Shabangu, Minister of Minerals and her trusted banker, Sir Sam”.

When last we looked in on little Susan, we had just sent her the following scathing reply:

Subject: RE: PROOF OF THE FUND
From: Ellis Tyd
To: ‘susanminister susanminister’
Date Sent: 11/28/2011 12:51:59 PM

You do realize the this Coin company has charged you $875,000 for keeping you money. Have you considered keeping it a jar in your sock drawer?

I am not sure that these people are trustworthy.

We waited and waited for a reply; then this came in.

Subject: PLEASE UPDATE ME AS SOON AS YOU CONTACT THE BANK MANAGER
From: susanminister susanminister
To: ellistyd@xyz.com
Date Sent: 11/29/2011 2:41:46 AM

My Dear, ellistyd

Not exactly a reply as such, since it doesn’t seem to acknowledge our previous response.

please contact the banker

Below are the details for you to contact the banker

See the bank contact details below:

We are inclined to believe that little Susie wants us to contact the banker. We could be wrong, but it seems that she wants us to do that.

Name: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.
Standard Bank Credit Manager.
International Transfer Services
Email: ( sam_jonah_standardbank@rocketmail.com )
Tell+27-84-037-1409
Fax+27-86-602-9066

Contact person: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.

We did a little checking and found that Sir. Samuel Jonah, KBE is not the Standard Bank Credit Manager. We think that little Susie may be misleading us again.

Here’s a bit of information about another Sir Samuel Jonah, KBE, who is probably not little Susie’s friend.

http://www.whoswhosa.co.za/samuel-jonah-5064

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sam-Jonah-Sir/143855202298325

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sam-Jonah-Sir/143855202298325#!/pages/Sam-E-Jonah/132960676739642

http://www.facebook.com/pages/SIR-SAMUEL-ESSON-JONAH/164259488647?v=info#!/pages/SIR-SAMUEL-ESSON-JONAH/164259488647?sk=wall

Please, if you contact him, Tell him that Mrs. Susan Shabangu, ask you
to contact him for the transfer, waiting for your call on my private
line +27-79-979-3146 once you contact the banker and I send my love to
you and your family.

We understand that Mr. Shabangu has shuffled off this mortal coil, but please, control your amorous urges, this is a public forum.

Thanks once again and let me know as soon as you contact him.

Waiting and A BIG HUG TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

What did we just say about this sort of behavior?

MRS. SUSAN SHABANGU MSQ
Private Phone +27-79-979-3146

The section below makes us believe that there is a strong possibility that little Susie may be using cut and paste from another document. Just a guess, mind you.

Below are the details for you to contact the banker

See the bank contact details below:

Name: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.
Standard Bank Credit Manager.
International Transfer Services
Email: ( sam_jonah_standardbank@rocketmail.com )
Tell+27-84-037-1409
Fax+27-86-602-9066

Contact person: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.

Please, if you contact him, Tell him that Mrs. Susan Shabangu, ask you
to contact him for the transfer, waiting for your call on my private
line +27-79-979-3146 once you contact the banker and I send my love to
you and your family.

Thanks once again and let me know as soon as you contact him.

Waiting and A BIG HUG TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

MRS. SUSAN SHABANGU  MSQ

Private Phone +27-79-979-3146

It’s like deja vu all over again.

Please contact him

So we didn’t.

Then, to our surprise, an actual response did arrive.

Subject: Re: PROOF OF THE FUND
From: susanminister susanminister
To: Ellis Tyd
Date Sent: 11/30/2011 8:53:42 AM

My: Dear: Ellis Tyd ,

Yes, i will take care of all the fees and  i know about that. contact the banker with the below contact details that i sent to you and he knows what to do from they.

It seems that we may have struck a nerve. We think that Mrs. Shabangu’s offer to pay all the fees may have been a slip up on her part as it would sem to absolve us from any financial responsibility. This may have been an unfortunate slip-up.

Fortunately, the paste buffer was still lying around from the earlier message.

Below are the details for you to contact the banker

See the bank contact details below:

Name: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.
Standard Bank Credit Manager.
International Transfer Services
Email: ( sam_jonah_standardbank@rocketmail.com )
Tell+27-84-037-1409
Fax+27-86-602-9066

Contact person: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.

let me know once you contacted him . i send my love to you and your family.

Again with the loving. We do not wish to have to warn you again.

MRS. SUSAN SHABANGU MSQ

Private Phone +27-79-979-3146

As this was clearly going nowhere, we allowed curiosity to get the better of us, and sent the following email to the ‘banker‘, but not before the cat was tucked safely in his bunker.

Subject: Susan Shabangu
From: Ellis Tyd
To: sam_jonah_standardbank@rocketmail.com
Date Sent: Wed 11/30/2011 10:54 AM

Rocketmail? Wasn’t that an Elton John song?

Mrs. Shabangu says I am supposed to contact you

Half a day later, the other shoe drops.

Subject: From:Mr.Sam Jonah KBE
From: Standard Bank
To: Ellis Tyd
CC: ellistyd@xyz.com
Date Sent: 12/1/2011 1:36:32 AM
Fr
om: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE
Director Transfer Services  Manager
Standard bank Jhb Branch South Africa
chairman of Jonah Capital.

These letters are clearly a hurried work  Apparently Mr. Jonah has moved from being the Credit Manager to now being the Director Transfer Services Manager, whatever that is supposed to be and is the chairman of his own company. Truth be told there is a Jonah Capital company and its chairman is a Sir Samuel E. Jonah, KBE, but we do not think that is relevent here. We are guessing that Jbh might be code for Johannesburg.

Attn:Ellis Tyd ,

This is Sam Jonah, I write to inform you that I have a meeting with Her Excellency  Ms.Susan Shabangu  ,and  I have verify about her late Husband’s Fund Mr.N.Shabangu  and the verification regarding the $30.5M is authentic, i have  proceeded with the transfer documents.

Given what we have seen on the web of Sir Samuel, we are somewhat disappointed in his linguistic skills.

I want to inform you that if I proceed in this transfer without getting the court order to   change  the beneficiary of the fund to your name, it will be a waste.

So?

I have also informed Her Excellency Ms.Susan Shabangu   regarding the court order to   change  the beneficiary of the fund to your name and she advise me to Further on.

Well, then stop babbling at us and further on by all means.

As soon as the court approved the changing of ownership in your name, there is also the need to insure this fund, to avoid any problem while transferring the fund.

We suspect that he may be hinting at fees to come, but never fear, Mrs. Shabangu has already agreed to take care of them.

So please do send to me your Bank details via by our bank form attached below to avoid wrong payment of this fund.  

Through all sorts of appeals such as this, we are constantly amazed that no one can master the simple art of writing a check let alone forging one. You would think, with all the banks involved, that someone somewhere would have a clue.

As soon as you send your bank details, please do call me on my private line for further clarifications

Again, we promptly did not.

Kind regards,
Mr.Sam Jonah KBE
Director Transfer Services  Manager
T
ell+27-78-912-0411
Fax + 27-86-602-9066
email  : standard_bank_za@rocketmail.com
Visit Director  Transfer Services Manager at
http://www.standardbank.co.za/site/investor/corp_directors01.html

Sir Sam was also nice enough to provide these enclosed documents, obviously prepared at great expense.

It’s nice to see that, in this day and age, with all the word processors and fancy computers available, there are still people who appreciate the simple honesty of a good old-fashioned monospaced typeface like Courier. It looks like Sir Sam had a little trouble scanning the bank logo, but aside from that it’s a very convincing form.

Next Sir Sam enclosed a page from a pamphlet.

Sir Sam seems to have not quite gotten the hang of his scanner yet. Let’s see how he does with the next page.

Clearly, third time’s a charm. Well done, Sir Sam.

We are supposed to fill out the form with our details. Regarding the pamphlet pages, we can only surmise that these will come into play later.

At this point, we decided to wait again, without making any sort of response. It is one thing to play at swatting insects, it is quite another to attempt any sort of intellectual discourse with them. Besides, if you’ve ever talked to a fly who has had its wings plucked, they tend to be very bitchy.

Sadly, our patience was matched by little Susie’s persistance.

This arrived.

Subject: I MADE THE PAYMENT
From: susanminister susanminister
To: EllisTyd@xyz.com
Date Sent: 12/2/2011 4:30:06 AM
My: Dear:Ellis Tyd,

Thanks very  very much for your mail , I  know that God sent you to help me and my family in this transfer, I wish to inform you that I have paid for the affidavit of the fund as the Banker demands; this was done this morning by my lawyer Barr. Williams, I spent US$26,500.00, for the affidavit and US$30,500.00 for the Insurance Coverage of the fund as the Banker also demands..

So, little Susie’s coughed up $57,000 for fees. We know people who could forge an entire new life for half that sum.

Thank God, she already said she’d pay the fees so we must be free and clear.

It was not easy to raise such money, as a matter of fact, as I was running around to see who can borrow me this money to complete the little one I have, But as God may have it I succeeded.

Yay for God! No sacrilege intended or implied on our part.

So please do comply strictly with the Banker (Mr. Sam Jonah KBE) to avoid any delays, I am praying that this fund will be in your account next week.

Please note: That as soon as the money is transferred, I will send you an account for you to send some money back to me to arrange my self to come over to your country and settle my debts here, because I have borrowed allot.

Hold on here. What? Why would we feel the need to personally import an obviously corrupt African politician, when, with the sum of money involved, we could certainly afford several corrupt domestic politicians instead? Seriously, why would we want to do this?

Please always be begetting me informed on the recent development with the bank.

I also will advise you to be disturbing the Banker from your side as you know the Fund now belongs to you, it is more reasonable you show them some sign of seriousness by calling them on phone regular to know the recent development.

Since it is now our money, and we assume that paperwork has been filed to that effect, we feel that our best course of action would be to merely wait for the bank to contact us. Even that cat sees that as the best course of action now that he has returned from the bunker.

Please, try and send him your full banking details and call him on phone so that he will proceed immediately with the transfer file.

I will like you to call me today on phone for a brief discussion on +27-79-979-3146,

I send my love to you and your family.

One love keeps us.

 MS. SUSAN SHABANGU MSQ

+27-79-979-3146

Sorry, should we need to contact the banker, we’ll use the contact information provided on any of his legitimate websites.

And for the love of God woman, find yourself a man over there. You’re not our type.

Thinking as all good things must come to an end, so this farce should as well, therefore we sent the following:

From: Ellis Tyd
Sent: Friday, December 02, 2011 9:48 AM 
To: ‘susanminister susanminister’ 
Subject: RE: I MADE THE PAYMENT 

http://www.fraudwatchers.org/forums/showthread.php?t=266

http://archive.ncsa.illinois.edu/lists/vmi-bug/sep08/msg00314.html

http://lists.virus.org/freeswan-0309/msg00180.html

http://www.scamorama.com/strog_shabangu.html

Thanks for playing — Bye.

The various links above are references to other examples of this and other schemes alleging to be from Susan Shabangu.

We further sent copies to spam@use.gov and filed a report with Gmail regarding susanminister85@gmail.com.

Imagine our surprise this morning when this arrived.

Subject: pls get back to me one you received your fund US$100,000
From: susanminister susanminister
To: EllisTyd@xyz.com 
Date Sent: 12/7/2011 7:19:10 AM

My:Dear: ,

I have been able to transfer my money to Zurich in Switzerland through the help of one MR. Jack Robertson. He has five companies in Europe and I will invest in his company. He is a very good man.

It seems that she took our advice about finding a man over there to heart. That’s good, we suppose.

Well, I just write to inform you that I left behind US$100,000 for you with my Bank in South Africa. I write you through divine direction and  It’s just that I can not forget how you are the very first person I contacted to help me and till today, I still dont know what went wrong.

If she is having difficulty determining where things went wrong, then we have only the sincerest sympathy for Mr. Robertson. He is in for a bumpy ride, we fear.

Anyway, I have forgotten about the past and all I am doing now is to make sure I invest properly my money. These are the contact details of that my Banker in South Africa below,
you have to contact him and he will transfer the US$100,000 to you.

Ah, this must be plan B.

Just goes to show you how different personalities can be.

Were our positions reversed we would be unwilling to supply Mrs. Shabangu with the correct time were we a clock and here Mrs. Shabangu is leaving us $100,000 for our assistance.

His contact details are.

Nama: Mr.Sam Jonah KBE.
Standard Bank Credit Manager.
Email: ( infostandard_bank_info@rocketmail.com )
Tell+27-78-912-0411
Fax+27-86-602-9066

Sir Sam seems to have been demoted to credit manager again due to his failure in this endeavor.

Do contact him today so that he will transfer the said fund to you as I have already instructed him before I travel to Europe for my investment. And as soon as you received the money get back to me.

When last we spoke, Mrs. Shabangu was begging us for money to travel, and here,  just days later she’s off to Europe.

NB: I gave you this money because of your previous efforts to help me and also for you to use it to support your family.

We wonder how much she would have offered had we been cooperative in the slightest. That’s a great deal of money for snarkiness.

pls get back to me one you received your fund US$100,000

Best  Regards

Mrs. Susan Shabangu

Mayhaps we have reached the end. There was no hug this time.

As we suffer fools poorly, it may be some time before we embark on another adventure such as this. We hope it less tedious for you than it have been for us.

At any rate, when all is said and done, we feel confident in proclaiming this to have been a Fraud.

We hope to have heard the last of Mrs. Shanabu and Sir Sam, but we will reluctantly continue this, should the need arise.

That is all.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s