Come on, a little effort here people.

We currently have over 700 emails from various tricksters, charlatans and scam artists languishing in our files. These would be confidence men and women display a wide variety of skill sets. Some, such as this one and this one, are the work of persons unknown who take pride in being scumbags. They spend the time to steal images and fonts and carefully hand cut and paste reams of extraneous HTML code in order to present an official looking document which should fool even the most suspicious drunken chipmunk.

While the examples above are examples of the more extreme level of effort, most emails do at least try to tell a convincing lie.

At the other end of the scale are the lot below. Most couldn’t be bothered to write two sentences and one, in fact, wrote none.

We would sincerely hope that no one has fallen victim to any of the following attempts.

Subject: NOTICE DATE: 05/07/2011
From: Atm Master Card Team
Date Sent: 7/5/2011 8:06:50 PM

ATM CARD WORTH $6,000,000.00 USD HAS BEEN ACCREDITED TO YOU

We can only assume that this is to pique our interest enough to garner a reply. Sorry, but $6 million deserves more effort.

Subject: PROPOSAL.
From: Wong
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Date Sent: 3/3/2011 8:26:01 AM
I HAVE A SECURED BUSINESS PROPOSAL FOR YOU.PLEASE E-MAIL ME BACK FOR DETIALS

Dear Wong, two things, you seem to have left the ‘R’ out of your name and would it have killed you to run the spell-checker. It’s not like it would have taken a very long time. And why SHOUT?

Subject: Hello
From: Shung Hin Hui
Date Sent: 2/15/2011 2:19:26 PM
Good Day,
I am Shung Hin Hui, I have a business of $15.5 million for you contact me for details.

We guessed your name from the header, you didn’t need to burden us with 18 additional characters and a comma. We don’t have room in our in-box for such frivolity. Goodbye.

Subject: Beneficiary Alert!!!
From: Warren Buffet Foundation
Date Sent: 7/21/2011 7:52:02 AM
WBF awarded you substantial grant sum,send your Name,Address,Tel,Occupation,age to gjohnsonfirm@yahoo.com.

This is much better. Abbreviate the name and skip all those pesky spaces. That’s the way to save space. Well done. Points off, however, for the two extra exclamation marks.

Subject: Assistance
From: Ali Islam
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Date Sent: 7/18/2011 12:51:15 PM
Please response to my Deal of 45.5 Million U!S!D funds transfer as i urgently need your help

The extra exclamation marks must be contagious. Ali Islam, that’s not really your name, is it? Response is a noun, just for future reference. Respond is the verb.

From: Gardner, Carole
To: info@winner.net
Date Sent: 2/26/2011 1:21:43 AM
I am Barrister Mark Hills.Contact me for your conformable Bank Draft of $780.000.00 United States Dollars.Email; barrmarkhills@yahoo.com.hk

If you’re Mark Hills, then who is Carole Gardner? What’s a conformable Bank Draft? By the way, the “$” means United States Dollars, spelling it out is redundant.

Subject: Business Proposal for you
From: Mr.Niam Cho
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Date Sent: 3/25/2011 3:07:07 PM
i have a profitable proposal for you, if interested contact me for more, email: niam.cho@w.cn

This is from China. What could it be? We always wanted to run a sweatshop. Maybe it’s trading in top-secret military secrets. Thank for the offer, but we’ll pass.

From: Marissa Dena
Date Sent: 4/18/2011 11:43:33 AM
You have a bank draft of $800.000.00 USD wait an outstanding payment of $50 USD.You need to Contact Mr.William Harrison Email: fedexservice61@yahoo.com.hk Tel:+2348075328622

See below.

From: Stephanie K Ridolphi
Date Sent: 4/21/2011 8:14:03 AM
You have a bank draft of $800.000.00 USD wait an outstanding payment of $50 USD.You need to Contact Mr.William Harrison Email: officefedexdeliverfedexdelive@yahoo.comhk Tel:+2348075328622

Marissa and Stephanie, we don’t know how to break this to you but we think Mr. Harrison is two-timing the par of you.

Subject: I am Mrs.Sandra Konan the widow to Late General Thomas Konan,from Sierra-Leone I am contacting you to seek your good assistance to transfer and invest the sum of $9.5m reply here(mrsandra1@hotmail.fr) for more details
From: From Mrs Sandra Konan
Date Sent: 4/15/2011 6:02:22 AM

Mrs. Konan was so excited that she typed the entire proposal into the subject line and left the email blank. It must be the grief as she languishes somewhere in France based on her email address.

Subject: Re:reply
From: Mr. Liao
To: hsus@asia.com
Date Sent: 4/26/2011 4:41:20 AM
Good day, I need your partnership for a business deal of $27.3M USD,in my bank. If you are interested, contact me for more details with your Name, address, phone No, Country.
Sincerely,
Mr. Yu-tong Liao.

Well, who wouldn’t be interested in $27.3 million? We wouldn’t. Sorry, Mr. Liao.

Subject: Confirm Call:+44-704-579-2572
From: Power Horse Energy
To: Recipients
Date Sent: 5/25/2011 3:02:12 PM
You have Won the sum of $540,000:00 USD in the Power Horse Energy Drink awards. contact us via email: phed32424242@gmail.com or Call:+44-704-579-2572 for more details.

Power Horse actually exists. They don’t seem to have any contests, however. They are also Austrian and telephones in Austria start with +43.

Subject: GOOD NEWS!!!
From: COCA COLA
To: info@live.co.uk
Date Sent: 8/12/2011 4:41:26 PM
Your Email have won a prize of 1 Million Pounds from Coca Cola 2011 Award. Contact (ccprize@live.co.uk,ph:+448719151833) with Name, Country, Age and Phone no for claims.

Email us again and we shall turn you over to the grammar Nazis. “Your Email have won” indeed.

Subject: help
From: william simon
To: ellistyd@xxxxx.com
Date Sent: 4/17/2011 12:00:17 PM
Dear friend, I have only about a few months to live and I want you to Distribute my funds fifty-eight million dollars $58,000,000(united states dollars) to charities. reply me email on this mail : williamsimon555@gmail.com yours truly, william simon

First, it’s October now, so you’re probably gone. We have seen better versions of this particular take on things and still we wonder why these people cannot find or contact and charities on their own. At least he took the time to find out our name.

Subject: Claims.
From: Federal Ministry Of Finance
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Date Sent: 6/4/2011 12:15:17 PM
This is to inform you of the availability of your ATM CARD which has been funded to the tune of US$1.9 Million and waiting to be picked up by you.
Please Contact(f.ministryoffinance@webadicto.net).

The Federal Ministry of Finance where? If we have to pick it up, we would like to know how heavily armed we need to be before travelling. We looked at webadicto.net. It certainly look official to us.

Subject: Contact Email:( claimsagency12@yahoo.com.hk )for claims
From: dgdgd@cox.net
Date Sent: 4/1/2011 1:43:22 AM
Congratulations, you have emerged winner with the reference number(CT 095447XN) in the Microsoft New Year Promo Award online Sweepstakes of 800,000,00 USD price. For more info,contact Email: claimsagencya@aol.com

We do not believe that Microsoft would use an AOL email address, or a Cox.net address or more absurdly a Yahoo.com.hk address. We are pretty sure they have their own. Furthermore we absolutely do not believe that Microsoft would give anything away, especially money.

Subject: Good Day! I have been trying to contact you…
From: Ray Berger
Date Sent: 5/31/2011 3:34:26 PM
Good Day! I have been trying to contact you. I am Barr. Caldwell Huntley from England, United Kingdom. I have a business proposal worth a lot of money for you. Contact my personal email for more details: barr.caldwell.huntley01@live.co.uk

You have been trying to contact us have you? What were you using? Telepathy? Why, Barrister Caldwell Huntley, do you call yourself Ray Berger?

From: Lucas Cooper
Sent: Monday, September 19, 2011 2:11 PM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: proposal
I have a confidential business proposal which will be a financial benefits to both of us. Contact me for details. lcscooper98@gmail.com

Call the grammar Nazis.

Subject: 000 15/07 Request
From: Capt. Andrew Lewis
Date Sent: 7/15/2011 11:41:00 AM
It is oil money. from the Middle East, (IRAQ). We want to transfer and move the funds to you, so that you can keep it for us. to send it to your house directly using Diplomatic Means. Once the funds get to you, you take 30% out and keep our own 70%. Await your response for details.
Regards,
U.S. Army Capt. Andrew Lewis.

Let us get this straight. You have lots of money. You have access to Diplomatic passports and documents. You’re an officer in the Army. Yet, with all these resources at your disposal, the best plan you can come up with is to contact strangers via email in order to get the money out of Iraq and you expect this to fill us with confidence. We think not.

We would hope that these writers are destined to starve slowly waiting for their victims to arrive, but also fear that someone out there will fall or has fallen for one or more of these diabolical schemes already.

Please, if you get one of these email, delete it immediately. Do not talk to them. Do not call them. Do not email them back. Do not waste your time.

These are Frauds.

That is all.

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