Messages from the land of the lost.

Messages from the land of the lost.

When you consider the vast sums of money which we seem to lose on a weekly basis, one might assume that we were an American Banking executive. A slipshod as we are with money, our incompetance pales in comparison to the daffy buggers who seem to find it.

We received an urgent message, aptly titled “Very Urgent“, from a Mr. David Erik, who purports to have 4.7 million dollars for us.

Mr. Erik felt so strongly about delivering the check that he decided to do it personally. His great plan seemed to be this.

1. Fly, unannounced, to the United States carrying the check.
2. Wander around the airport for to hours looking for us, despite the fact that he doesn’t know what we look like and the additional fact that we very seldom loiter about airports waiting for people with checks.
3. Email us whining about having been in the airport for two hours and only give us an email address with which to contact him since he seems to have no other way to communicate despite having just told us that the phone numbers he has for us don’t seem to work.

Mind you, this man also claims to be a diplomat, his rocketmail email account not withstanding. Perhaps he’s the ambassador from Gilligan’s Island.

We feel confident that our money is in good hands.

We also received two messages regarding the 15.8 million dollars we seem to have left in a box marked “Cnsignment CODE:CAF/XX/05”. The messages came from  DR.KENNYJO and HON.DR.WAYN HOWARD, who seem to know each other and both lay claim to the box.

To hear Dr. Howard tell it the box is in the hands of an unknowing diplomat who is waiting at our International airport and we need to email our information to Dr Kennyjoe immediately. Or at least that’s what the email from Dr Kennyjoe, signed by Dr. Howard and sent on January 29 would have us believe.

A week and a half later, we received more or less the same message again, this time from Dr. Howard himself. Now a person named Otikpo Jonh was wandering the airport with the box. We don’t know what became of Dr. Kennyjoe. Perhaps he lost interest. Perhaps he starved to death. We may never know.

In the week and a half no one was able to find our address. Perhaps these gentlemen should seek employment in the American Banking industry. They couldn’t do any worse that the current lot of executives.

Both of these emails ask us to supply the name of our nearest airport. We would suggest that they look around. There is probably a sign somewhere stating “Welcome to XYZ International Airport”. We believe that such signs are required in order to prevent the type of mishap to which Dr. Howard’s associates keep succumbing.

Alas, when all is said and done, these emails all have one thing in common. They are Frauds.

In other news, we now have some three hundred emails in our collection, with very few duplicate, which was a surprise. We will continue to add them to the archves as time permits

Join us next time for “Top Secret Truths” here at

That is all.

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