No experience (or intelligence) required.

No experience (or intelligence) required.

In the interest of brevity, the subject lines link to the emails in their original format.

First up, a solicitation from the busiest woman on earth.

Subject: PERSONAL ASSISTANT URGENTLY NEEDED
From: Kimberly Brown
To:  [ 30 AOL email addresses were listed here ]
Date Sent: 2/19/2011 4:37:08 PM
Hello Candidate,
 
How are you doing today ? The Executive/Office Assistant position is
still available. I will like to know if you will be interested in
working as a personal assistant. I’m looking for someone that can be
trusted, reliable, efficient, self motivated, organized, a good
communicator, and IT literate.

Ah, a well thought out executive search, sent to thirty random AOL email accounts (that we are aware of). That is certainly the best way to find reliable help. We are relieved to learn that the position we knew nothing about is still available.
 
My Name is Kimberly Brown, Married with 2 Wonderful children. I run
my family’s farm mainly; I also have a lot of investments and
businesses of my own particularly in the real estate market and as a
private lender. I’m also a Certified Payroll Specialist working for a
number of companies within and outside the US as a private eye /
analyst in their payroll activities. I travel very frequently trying
to expand my business and sometimes there is a work overload for me,
this is the more reason I’m looking to find someone back home who is
efficient, self-motivated, organized, a good communicator with an
ability to multi-task under pressure and who can help me keep up to
date with all of my activities amidst my ever busy schedule.

What a wonderful biography, with all you do we are surprised that your name is not Sybyl. Who milks the cows when you’re out of the country on corporate espionage assignments, your two wonderful children?

Which business do you travel to expand; the farm, the investment firm, the lending company, the payroll specialist position, the private investigation business, or the real estate concern?

Also, have you ever actually seen your two wonderful children or are you accepting someone else’s evaluation of their wonderfulness?

It is important for you to note that you are being hired by me
personally not by my family or any other businesses that I represent,
although most of your duties will be related to these businesses, I
will be personally responsible for your wage and all correspondences,
findings and queries would be made and promptly reported to me
personally no matter the circumstance. The position is part-time you
will need to set up a home-office if you don’t have one; we will
discuss the costs of setting this up as we move along. Most
importantly, you need to have Internet and telephone access,

We are glad to see that you are hiring us personally, we would hate to be subject to delegation since you seem so poor at it.
 
Your activities as amongst other things will include;
 
* Invoicing, managing accounts receivable and/or customer account
collections;
* Purchasing needs;
* Handling and monitoring financial activities;
* Acting as an alternative telephone correspondence;
* Running personal errands, supervisions and monitoring;
* Organizing and maintaining diaries, memos and making appointments;
* Dealing with incoming email, faxes and post;
* A personal reminder for Schedules, programs, flights and keeping
me up to date with them as they come up;
* General clerical activities.

That’s all? Do you mean to tell us you can’t handle a trivial list of tasks such as this, when you seem so adept at so many things? We may need to see references from you before we consider your offer. We cannot abide incompetence.
 
Your Wage is $540.00 a week after tax, pay will always be regular,
and any extra personal expenses (transport, gas, etc) incurred by you
while on an errand or otherwise will also be reimbursed by me at the
end of each working week.

That is not much of a salary, given the estimated workload. Is this only a part-time position?
 
I’m currently in England now attending a seminar, in the mean time
we will begin unofficially and on trial pending my arrival because I
have a number of important things you could begin work on
immediately. Your wage remains intact even during this trial period.
I hope you can be available immediately .we will arrange a meeting
and set up a proper interview as soon as I return to the state.

Is the seminar regarding farming, private detection, payroll analysis or are you branching out? We are somewhat bothered by this spur of the moment approach you seem to be taking. You didn’t realize the need for an assistant prior to your excursion to England? Sounds like shoddy planning and poor time management to us.
 
Due to the excessive number of responses to this job Ad, I will
require the following details about you to filter applicants and for
a personal record update;
 
First Name:
Last Name:
Street Address (No Po Box Acceptable) :
City : , State/Province : , Zip Code/Postal Code :
Cell Phone Number/Home Phone Number :
Age :
Current Occupation :
Alternate Email Address:

We are surprised that you are receiving such a strong response to the job ad we’ve never seen as we suspect none of the others on the list this went to are likely to have seen it either.
 
Hope to hear from you soon.
 
Regards
Kimberly Brown

Sorry, Kim, may we call you Kim, we would recommend not holding your breath until you hear from us unless you look good in blue.

Next, we are invited to become a Mystery Shopper by the not too bright Mr. Jonathan Nelson.

Subject: Mystery Shopper Needed Urgently
From: Mr. Jonathan Nelson dsc16923@aol.com
Date Sent: 2/19/2011 8:17:27 PM
Hello ,

You have been invited to run a survey on all Western Union Agent
Location in your Area that will be assigned to you.Western Union is
available at all Walmart Outlets,This assignment has been put
together to be completed at a Western Union Agent Location that will
be assigned to you.The objective of this assignment will be to
evaluate the effectiveness and efficiency of a payment system called
“Western Union “which is available in your region.

We were not aware that Western Union had let itself go to the point that they were incapable of policing their own workers.

Western Union Agent location was reported for evaluation of the
following reasons:
* Slow and Poor Customer services.
* Rudeness and agents inefficiency to customers.
* High Transfer charge.
* Late opening and closing Hours.

It seems to us that given what we’ve seen of Western Union stations, such as those located at the local Wal-Mart, that the fault would be with Wal-Mart and not Western Union since there are no actual Western Union employees stationed at these locations.

Your Customer Service Evaluation Requirement would be:
*You will go into a “Western Union” as a potential customer.
*You are Required to make use of the Money Transfer and Quick
Collect services to make  a Western Union Money Transfer.
*You are Required to send in a detail report of the Time it took you
to get the Money Transfer made from the time of arrival at any of the
Agent Location listed to you.
* A Confirmation of the Western UnionTransfer fee.
* You are required to forward back to us a detailed copy of
theWestern Union Transfer Detail as soon as the assignment completed
at any of the Agent Location assigned to you.
* A scanned copy of  the Western Union Receipt is required to be
faxed  back to us for confirmation.
The funds needed to complete this assignment have been arranged and
would be sent out to you via a UPS/FedEx Express Mail service.

We, of course, will be compensated in advance. We will be asked to deposit the advance payment into our own account and then to send cash we acquire from our own funds and use that to sent the test transaction. We will then be bitterly disappointed weeks later when the advance fails to clear the bank, leaving us minus our cash transaction. If we didn’t know better we might believe this to be an advance payment Fraud.

If Interested, we request you, Please fill out our shopper profile
below for immediate consideration ,make out payment and  for payment
delivery.

*First Name:
*Last Name:
*Contact Address (P.O.Box Not Required):
*City:
*State:
*Zip Code:
*Home Phone:
*Cell Phone:
*Age:
*Email Address:
*Occupation:

P:S After you have emailed your information to us ,You should
endeavor to check your email 2-3 times in a day to read updates from
us.
Thank you and we look forward to working with you.

Regards,
Kay George
Hiring Manager Stuart Survey/Evaluator Consultant

We did not find the position appealing, yet it seemed familiar.

Sadly, Jonathan and Kay forgot that before they tried to hire us to test Western Union agents, they had already tried to hire us for the same position to test Money Gram agents, not ten days previous. It was a bad offer then. It is a bad offer now.

You may reuse the comments above substituting Money Gram for Western Union. Jonathan and Kay seemed to feel that was appropriate. Kay was hired for the Western Union enticement. Jonathan had been in her position previously.

Subject: Mystery Shoppers Needed Urgently
From: Jonathan Nelson earlehank@aol.com
Date Sent: 2/9/2011 3:01:32 AM
Hello,

You have been invited to run a survey on all MONEY GRAM Agent 
Location in your area that will be assigned to you. Money gram is 
available at all Walmart Outlets, this assignment has been put 
together to be completed at a Money Gram Agent Location that 
will be assigned to you. The objective of this assignment will be 
to evaluate the effectiveness and efficiency of a payment system 
called “MONEY GRAM “which is available in your region.

Some Money Gram Agents were reported for the following reasons:
* Slow and Poor Customer services.
* Rudeness and agents inefficiency to customers.
* High Transfer charge.
* Late opening and closing Hours.

Your Customer Service Evaluation Requirement would be:
*You will go into a “Money Gram” as a potential customer.
*You are Required to make use of the Money Transfer and Quick 
Collect services to make a Money Gram Money Transfer.

*You are Required to send in a detail report of the Time it took you 
to get the Money Transfer made from the time of arrival at any of 
the Agent Location listed to you.

* A Confirmation of the Money Gram Transfer fee.
* You are required to forward back to us a detailed copy of the Money
 Gram Transfer Detail as soon as the assignment is completed at any 
of the Agent Location assigned to you.

* A scanned copy of the Money Gram Receipt is required to be faxed 
back to us for confirmation.

The funds needed to complete this assignment have been arranged and 
would be sent to you via courier which would be either check or money orders.

Kindly email the following details if you are interested.

Name in Full:
Address:
City:
State:
Zip code:
Phone#:

Best Regards
Mr. Jonathan Nelson
Hiring Director Stuart Survey/Evaluator Consultant

 
Subject: Job ID: YGELPIPREI
From: Job Processing Unit.  [jobs.consumerfdbk@mysteryshop.org]
To:

Join our Shopper Force!

As profiled on Good Morning America, mystery shopping and
merchandising provide a flexible way for individuals to earn extra
money. “A nationwide leader in mystery shopping and merchandising
among top brands,” The Seer Group is constantly looking for people
just like you to be our eyes and ears in well-known stores,
restaurants and banks.

While the first sentence above is for the most part true, it refers to this organization, where you can read their opinion on emails such as this one, which is an obvious Fraud.

Mystery shopping, also known as secret shopping, and merchandising
are fun and YOU can make a huge difference for future customers.

Again a true statement about somebody else.

As a mystery shopper you work and shop together for pleasure and the
pay is between $200-$300 on each assignment and its on part time
basis, you only work 2-3hours twice in a week. If you are interested
kindly send me your Name,Address In Full(NO Postal Address),Home and
Cell number for assessment and registration to (consumerfdbk@aol.com).

There is no point attempting to contact this person. It can only lead to disaster. It is  Fraud.

Davies Campbell
Job Processing Unit.
Consumer Feedback, INC
consumerfdbk@aol.com

The company, Consumer Feedback, Inc, is a fiction. The writer didn’t even take the time to cut and paste a real company name. Even the Nigerian scammers know how to do that.

Sadly, we shall continue to toil at our current place of indentured servitude as there is no purpose to be served by working for a Fraud.

We have so many emails backed up that we can’t decide what we shall do next. So, join us next time for “At our whim” here at HowToSpotAFraud.com.

That is all.

 

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This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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