A limited time offer from the FBI

A limited time offer from the FBI

The FBI arrives to save us with more money, more misfires and more mayhem from Nigeria, offer good until midnight February 16, 2011, operators are standing by, or they would be had the message included a telephone number.

Subject: 2011 FBI REPORT
From: FBI Washington Dc
Date Sent: 2/12/2011 10:33:28 PM

View the attachment for more details about the REPORT…

From: Federal Bureau of Investigation
Dept: Anti-Terrorist & Monetary Crimes Division
Office: Washington, D.C. Headquarters
Address: J. Edgar Hoover Building 93
Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

Date: 02/12/2011

ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,

This is an official advice from the fbi foreign Remittance / telegraphic dept., it has come to our notice that the C.B.N Bank Nigeria district has released 10,500,000.00 US dollars into bank of America in your name as the beneficiary, by inheritance means.

The C.B.N Bank Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have Enough facilities to effect this payment from the united kingdom to your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) to pay this fund through wire transfer, they used this means to complete the payment.

They are still, waiting for confirmation from you on the already Transferred funds which were made in direct transfer so that they can do final crediting to your account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account; this is a pure coded, means of payment?

Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past Has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A, so it is our duty as a world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be credited into your personal account.

Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary security by the American authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the f.b.i bank commission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver payment of $10,500,000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (s.d.t.a). We govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.

We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been Stopped and are being held in our custody, until you can be able to provide us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer (dist) within 3 days from the world local bank that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are antiterrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the Payment, we shall release the funds immediately we receive this legal documents.

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve, we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in United State in your name, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you. Note that the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before releasing the funds.

So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds, the Bank Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.

These Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don’t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document in United Kingdom (U.K), because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by (H.S.B.C) Bank in London.

An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.

These Condition Is Valid until 16th of FEB. 2011 after we shall take actions on Canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving funds out of Nigeria.

Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document.
Final Instruction;
1. Credit Payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee.
2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared.
3. Beneficiaries Bank in U.S.A., can only release funds.
4. Upon confirmation from the World Bank/United Nations.
5. Bearers must clear Bank protocol and validation request.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A.

An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country, i.e. Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history Background, etc.

FBI Director Foreign Remittance/Telegraphic Dept.
James T. Burton.

We will sleep well tonight knowing that James T. Burton of the FBI is on the case. We would sleep better knowing that Agent Burton was helping somebody else though.

We are of the opinion, unsubstantiated at the moment, that Agent James T. Burton may be a Fraud. Let’s take a look.

Subject: 2011 FBI REPORT
From: FBI Washington Dc
Date Sent: 2/12/2011 10:33:28 PM

View the attachment for more details about the REPORT…

From: Federal Bureau of Investigation
Dept: Anti-Terrorist & Monetary Crimes Division
Office: Washington, D.C. Headquarters
Address: J. Edgar Hoover Building
93 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
Date: 02/12/2011

It seems that both Google and Bing have a low opinion of the Anti-Terrorist & Monetary Crimes Division of the FBI.

Well, at least they have the address right. We apologize for getting ahead of ourselves, they had the address wrong as well.

We suppose that with the budget constraints in Washington these day, it may be hard to get good help.

ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,

This is an official advice from the fbi foreign Remittance / telegraphic dept., it has come to our notice that the C.B.N Bank Nigeria district has released 10,500,000.00 US dollars into bank of America in your name as the beneficiary, by inheritance means.

We suspect Agent Burton was absent from school when they covered English. He speaks it like a true foreigner. It strikes us that the FBI could possibly find something better to do than to constantly snoop into our financial dealings with Africa, especially since they’re a domestic organization. We feel the CIA or NSA would be more qualified to work overseas.

The C.B.N Bank Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have Enough facilities to effect this payment from the united kingdom to your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) to pay this fund through wire transfer, they used this means to complete the payment.

Apparently our money has fallen into the hands of a stupid bank, who among other things, believes that Benin is in the United Kingdom. We are also confused. If they completed the payment, then what is the problem?

Just as an aside, Agent Burton, did you mean secret transit diplomatic payment or s.d.t.p.? It isn’t clear and it’s important to be precise in these matters.

They are still, waiting for confirmation from you on the already Transferred funds which were made in direct transfer so that they can do final crediting to your account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account; this is a pure coded, means of payment?

Agent Burton does not seem to have a firm grasp on what’s transpiring. As far as his question goes, we couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past Has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A, so it is our duty as a world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be credited into your personal account.

We were unaware that the FBI had world-wide authority as a commission. We are relieved that they have taken such an interest in us, but honestly feel they might have assigned someone less confused to the case.

Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary security by the American authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the f.b.i bank commission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver payment of $10,500,000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (s.d.t.a). We govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.

Excuse us, Agent Burton, but we were under the assumption that you were an American authority. Do the other agencies know how poorly you think of them? You might be well advised not to antagonize the CIA any further. You are already operating in their territory. Be careful, or you might wake up dead some day.

Perhaps, if the FBI went back to basics, like stopping crime, instead of meddling in money matters worldwide, the economy might be in better shape that it is. We wouldn’t want economists chasing Bin Laden. Why should law enforcement personnel be setting financial policy? Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Agent Burton?

We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been Stopped and are being held in our custody, until you can be able to provide us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer (dist) within 3 days from the world local bank that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are antiterrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the Payment, we shall release the funds immediately we receive this legal documents.

What?

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve, we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in United State in your name, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you. Note that the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before releasing the funds.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to do your own background check on us. That’s what the TSA does every time we fly and they have not classified us a terrorist on several occasion during the past twelve months. Do you agency people not talk to each other?

So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds, the Bank Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.

We are inclined to send Agent Burton our Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer, but can’t find our blue crayon.

These Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don’t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document in United Kingdom (U.K), because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by (H.S.B.C) Bank in London.

Why would the World Local Bank, a division of Oxymoron Industries, be issuing FBI documents when the FBI has its own printing services, not to mention a games page for children?

We would like fresh money, thank you . This money has too many miles on having been in Nigeria, the United Kingdom, the United States and now back to London.

An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.

Now we understand. We have often wondered, when watching television, what was meant when it was said that someone had a FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer as long as their arm. Thank you for clearing that up.

These Condition Is Valid until 16th of FEB. 2011 after we shall take actions on Canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving funds out of Nigeria.

We thought the money was in London. Two days isn’t a lot of time you know, especially since we aren’t sure where the money is at the moment. This sounds like extortion, Agent Burton. Shall we forward this to the real FBI and ask their opinion?

Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document.
Final Instruction;
1. Credit Payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee.
2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared.
3. Beneficiaries Bank in U.S.A., can only release funds.
4. Upon confirmation from the World Bank/United Nations.
5. Bearers must clear Bank protocol and validation request.

Good lord! Now the United nations is involved. We are not sure that this is worth the effort, it is only 10.5 million dollars after all and some mornings we have five times that before breakfast.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

We will be charged with the FBI? We thought you were the FBI. We truly do not understand what you’re trying to tell us Agent Burton. We try, but we fall short.

The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A.

It turns out we could get the required documents from the State Department for $18. It also turns out that a 556-73 is explained here, and that Agent Burton plagiarized a fair amount of the text directly from the FBI.

An  or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country, i.e. Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history Background, etc.

The FBI are unaware of the existence of a Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer, however. We are surprised and dismayed that you didn’t know that, Agent Burton.

FBI Director Foreign Remittance/Telegraphic Dept.
James T. Burton.

We did find a reference to James T. Burton, but fear it does little for his credibility.

As we come to the end of another misadventure, we fear that it is necessary to brand Agent Burton as a Fraud, and consign him to the great bit bucket in the sky, or to wherever it is that electronic debris is consigned.

Please, do not communicate with Agent Burton. He does not have your best interests at heart.

Join us next time for “Birds of a Feather“, here at HowToSpotAFraud.com.

That is all.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s