A Ray of Hope(lessness)

A Ray of Hope(lessness)

We believe this may be an initial attempt by a novice, who has been studying the work of his peers.

Subject: YOUR FULL NAMES:…..?
From: F B I
Date Sent: 2/4/2011 12:23:57 AM

ATTENTION:,

THIS IS DR. FELIX HOPE, THE HEAD OF OPERATIONS (HOPS) OF SWIFT COURIER COMPANY (FASTWAYS COURIER COMPANY) COMMUNICATING TO YOU. I JUST ARRIVED BACK INTO THE COUNTRY FROM A FUNCTION I ATTENDED AT FRANCE AND I HAVE BEEN PRESENTED WITH YOUR CASE FILE TO TREAT.

IT GOT TO MY NOTICE THAT THERE HAVE BEEN SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR PACKAGE FROM OUR CUSTODY AND FROM THE IMFORMATION I AM FURNISHED WITH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE CONTROLLER THAT IS HANDLING YOUR CASE IS QUESTIONABLE , BUT I NEED TO GET A CLEAR PICTURE OF THE SITUATION OF THINGS BEFORE I KNOW WHERE TO COME IN OR TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT HERE IN OUR COMPANY WE HOLD OUR CUSTOMERS ON A HIGH ESTEEM AND THEIR RIGHTS IS TO BE PROTECTED SUCH THAT THEY MUST OBTAIN MAXIMUM UTILITY FROM EVERY/ANY TRANSACTION WITH OUR FIRM; THIS WE BELEIVE IS A STRONG WAY OF CREATING/MAINTAINING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS.

I HEARD THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF ANTI-TERRORISM CERTIFICATE FOR THE DELIVERY OF YOUR PACKAGE WHICH WAS DISRUPTED ON FIRST ATTEMPT OF DELIVERY AND I AM RELIABLY INFORMED BY MY INSIDER THAT THE FEE YOU WERE ASKED TO PAY IS NOT THE EXACT AMOUNT THAT IT IS OVER CHARGED AND IN VIEW OF THIS, I WANT YOU TO STOP WHATEVER PAYMENT YOU ARE ABOUT PAYING TO ANY BODY IN THE NAME OF THE COMPANY’S ACCOUNT OFFICER UNTIL I TELL YOU TO. THIS IS IN YOUR OWN INTEREST SO THAT YOU DON’T BEAR ANY LOSS AS WE MUST PROTECT OUR GOOD WILL THAT HAS BEEN BUILT OVER THE YEARS.

NOW, I NEED YOU TO RECONFIRM THE FOLLOWING TO ME IN ORDER FOR ME TO FORGE AHEAD ON THIS MATTER AND TO MAKE SURE I AM COMMUNICATING WITH THE RIGHT PERSON FOR SECURITY REASONS:

YOUR FULL NAMES:…………………………
ADDRESS:……………………………………..
PERSONAL PHONE NUMBER(S):………….
THE TOTAL AMOUNT YOU HAVE PAID SO FAR BEFORE NOW:……………………………
TO WHICH ACCOUNT OFFICER DID YOU MADE PAYMENT AND WHAT FOR:…………..
THE PRESENT FEE YOU ARE ASKED TO PAY FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF THE SAID ANTI-TERRORISM CERTIFICATE:……….
AND THE NAME OF PERSONS/OFFICERS THAT HAS BEEN COMMUNICATING WITH YOU SO FAR:………………………………..

YOU ARE REQUESTED TO CONFIRM THE ABOVE INFORMATION TO ME IMMEDIATELY IN YOUR OWN INTEREST AND ONCE AGAIN, YOU ARE HEREBY ADVISED TO KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN WITH DISCRETION WHILE YOU GET BACK TO US IN GOOD TIME.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR. FELIX HOPE.(HOPS)
jamesrichard02@o2.pl
SWIFT COURIER COMPANY. (FASTWAYS COURIER COMPANY

We hope Dr. Hope continues his studies. Perhaps one day he might produce a work that is less clearly a Fraud.

Subject: YOUR FULL NAMES:…..?
From: F B I
Date Sent: 2/4/2011 12:23:57 AM

We believe that Dr. Hope is a novice at cut and paste and has produced this pastiche by the time-honored method known as plagiarism. The reference to the FBI in the address is the only mention of the FBI in the entire work. He seems to understand the concept of appearing important, but lacks the follow-through needed to make it effective.

ATTENTION:,

THIS IS DR. FELIX HOPE, THE HEAD OF OPERATIONS (HOPS) OF SWIFT COURIER COMPANY (FASTWAYS COURIER COMPANY) COMMUNICATING TO YOU. I JUST ARRIVED BACK INTO THE COUNTRY FROM A FUNCTION I ATTENDED AT FRANCE AND I HAVE BEEN PRESENTED WITH YOUR CASE FILE TO TREAT.

Just a suggestion for next time, Dr. Hope; it’s permissible to type in lower case. Dr. Hope opens with an attempt as impressing us with his significance. Dr. Hope informs us that he is the HOPS, demonstrating a minor grasp of the importance of acronyms. His Swift/Fastways courier company has multiple aliases, which help to inflate its size and he is a suave and sophisticated international traveller.

IT GOT TO MY NOTICE THAT THERE HAVE BEEN SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR PACKAGE FROM OUR CUSTODY AND FROM THE IMFORMATION I AM FURNISHED WITH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE CONTROLLER THAT IS HANDLING YOUR CASE IS QUESTIONABLE , BUT I NEED TO GET A CLEAR PICTURE OF THE SITUATION OF THINGS BEFORE I KNOW WHERE TO COME IN OR TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES.

Dr. Hope has received imformation regarding shoddy workers within his organization being assigned to our case and promises to get to the bottom of it.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT HERE IN OUR COMPANY WE HOLD OUR CUSTOMERS ON A HIGH ESTEEM AND THEIR RIGHTS IS TO BE PROTECTED SUCH THAT THEY MUST OBTAIN MAXIMUM UTILITY FROM EVERY/ANY TRANSACTION WITH OUR FIRM; THIS WE BELEIVE IS A STRONG WAY OF CREATING/MAINTAINING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS.

Dr. Hope offers his reassurance. Have no fear, we shall be taken care of as that is his company’s way.

I HEARD THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE PAYMENT FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF ANTI-TERRORISM CERTIFICATE FOR THE DELIVERY OF YOUR PACKAGE WHICH WAS DISRUPTED ON FIRST ATTEMPT OF DELIVERY AND I AM RELIABLY INFORMED BY MY INSIDER THAT THE FEE YOU WERE ASKED TO PAY IS NOT THE EXACT AMOUNT THAT IT IS OVER CHARGED AND IN VIEW OF THIS, I WANT YOU TO STOP WHATEVER PAYMENT YOU ARE ABOUT PAYING TO ANY BODY IN THE NAME OF THE COMPANY’S ACCOUNT OFFICER UNTIL I TELL YOU TO. THIS IS IN YOUR OWN INTEREST SO THAT YOU DON’T BEAR ANY LOSS AS WE MUST PROTECT OUR GOOD WILL THAT HAS BEEN BUILT OVER THE YEARS.

Dr. Hope now tries to save us from all those rapscallions who may be trying to deceive us regarding the delivery of our package. We must note here that in his exuberance, Dr. Hope has failed to entice us with any clues as to the value of our package. He could very well have a small box with a used pencil, for all we know.

NOW, I NEED YOU TO RECONFIRM THE FOLLOWING TO ME IN ORDER FOR ME TO FORGE AHEAD ON THIS MATTER AND TO MAKE SURE I AM COMMUNICATING WITH THE RIGHT PERSON FOR SECURITY REASONS:

Dr. Hope seems convinced that whatever in is the package, it is worth forging ahead with, although having said as much as he has so far, now seems an odd time to start wondering if he’s speaking to the right person.

YOUR FULL NAMES:…………………………
ADDRESS:……………………………………..
PERSONAL PHONE NUMBER(S):………….
THE TOTAL AMOUNT YOU HAVE PAID SO FAR BEFORE NOW:……………………………
TO WHICH ACCOUNT OFFICER DID YOU MADE PAYMENT AND WHAT FOR:…………..
THE PRESENT FEE YOU ARE ASKED TO PAY FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF THE SAID ANTI-TERRORISM CERTIFICATE:……….
AND THE NAME OF PERSONS/OFFICERS THAT HAS BEEN COMMUNICATING WITH YOU SO FAR:………………………………..

Dr. Hope presents a much larger malformed form than is customary and has been creative regarding the information required. He actually goes so far as to request that we divulge the identities of his competition. He seems to fail to grasp that as he initiated this scheme, it is not likely that we will have the information to fill out his form as we have not paid anything to the people we have not been communication with.

YOU ARE REQUESTED TO CONFIRM THE ABOVE INFORMATION TO ME IMMEDIATELY IN YOUR OWN INTEREST AND ONCE AGAIN, YOU ARE HEREBY ADVISED TO KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN WITH DISCRETION WHILE YOU GET BACK TO US IN GOOD TIME.

While it is customary in these messages to issue an admonition regarding security and secrecy, we do feel that Dr. Hope could have used a better turn of phrase than “keep your nose clean”. Really, Dr. Hope, aim higher.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR. FELIX HOPE.(HOPS)
jamesrichard02@o2.pl
SWIFT COURIER COMPANY. (FASTWAYS COURIER COMPANY

Judging from the site of the contact email, Dr. Hope appears to be from Poland. We respectfully pass.

Not a very good first attempt, we’re afraid. Don’t give up hope, Dr. Hope, perhaps someday you shall write something intelligent and believable.

Sadly, as enticing as Dr. Hope makes it seem, we shall not be learning the contents of the mystery package anytime soon. Once again we find our hopes and dreams of riches dashed in a sea of hopelessness and must delete Dr. Hope from our in-box, as this is a Fraud.

Join us next time for “Ambiguous Ambassadors” here at HowToSpotAFraud.com.

That is all.

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This entry was posted in Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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