So many words, so little said.

We realize have been remiss in updating, but we have been trying to discover the reasons behind the sudden upsurge in the quantity, but sadly not the quality, of emails we have been receiving.

Our archived total is currently just above two thousand. Our collection dates back to January of 2011. During the month of September, we received 436 emails, begging and pleading with us to accept large sums of money in return for the merest pittance to be paid as a security/handling fee.

That is a significant increase.

We have not found a reason for this sudden flurry of activity, but we must believe that either things have gotten worse in Africa or that there are do-gooders distributing cheap and affordable computers and smart phones to the populace thereof, firm in the belief that these goods will only be used for noble causes.

At any rate, we start October with one of the longest attempts we have received to date.

Without further ado, let us examine the work of one Mr. Hall Trevor, who we suspect should actually be Trevor Hall (as in Hall, Trevor), but for a misunderstanding regarding the proper use of punctuation.

Mr. Hall  Trevor would like us to help him embezzle twenty-two million dollars. He just has trouble getting to the point.

Subject: Business Proposition.
F
rom: Hall Trevor
Date Sent: 10/1/2012 2:29:54 PM

Name: Hall Trevor
Email: halltrevor77@gmail.com 

We suspect that he thinks his name is Hall Trevor. We could be wrong.

Good Day 

I know this is an unconventional way of introducing a big and profitable business deal, but I however want you to take your time to read my letter carefully, you will understand the necessity for my action. I got your email address from the Ministry of Commerce Directory.

In fact, this is the way we receive most big and profitable proposals, over two thousand to date.

We have repeatedly asked the Ministry of Commerce to remove our email address from their files, obviously to no avail.

I am Hall Trevor, staff of International Private Banking at HSBC BANK London. 

Well, that certainly removes any uncertainty as to his identity. A quick search for Hall Trevor and HSBC Bank only turned up several copies of this same letter. This doesn’t help his credibility.

I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer and an investment he placed under our banks management three years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail.   

We cannot promise to respect the integrity of this information as we strongly suspect that it has none.

I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you.

Our door is always open to a big and profitable embezzlement opportunity.

In 2001, the subject matter came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division.

It seems a bit speaking ill of the dead to refer to someone as ‘the subject matter’.

He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of Twenty Two Million United States Dollars ($22,000,000.00 USD), which he wished to have us turn over(invest) on his behalf. I was the officer assigned to his case; I was made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the DE-facto chief operations officer of the private banking sector, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank.

For an executive in charge of large accounts, Mr. Hall Trevor’s language skills seem a trifle light.

We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 6000 traditional stocks and bond managers and 2000 managers of alternative investments.

Or in other words, he suggested that the investor consider nearly everything available anywhere. A truly bold vision.

Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over ten million United States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments.   

If they made ten million dollars by investing twenty-two million in a few months on conservative opportunities, one has to wonder what they might have accomplished by being aggressive. That’s almost a fifty percent return in just months. Someone with that level of investing skills shouldn’t be trolling for embezzlement partners on the internet.

In mid 2002, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in here in the United Kingdom. He directed that I liquidate the funds and deposit it with a security firm here in London.

He would have been better advised to stuff a large mattress with it.

I informed him that HSBC Plc would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges. He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us.

Special arrangements? We were unaware that selling stocks was so abnormal.

We also have no idea at this point as to why he’s telling us this, or why he’s making it sound like such a Herculean effort, aside from it perhaps embellishing his tale.

Cash movement across boarders has become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11.

Cash movement across boarders? Is he running a bordello?

The next few paragraphs are brought to you by Corporate Securities, Corp. Purveyors of fine fiction since sometime back a while ago.

I contacted my affiliate in here in London and made the funds available to the security firm. I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited at the London based security consultancy firm, Corporate Securities Co. Corporate Securities Co is a specialist private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash. This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. In line with Instructions, the money was deposited with Corporate Securities Co. The deceased told me he wanted the money; there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week.

We would like to think that the deceased was not yet in that condition at this point in the proceedings.

This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25th June 2003. In June last year, we got a call from Corporate Securities Co informing us that the activity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit at Corporate Securities Co, and I could not understand why the deceased had not come forward to claim his deposit. I made futile efforts to locate the deceased. I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of HSBC Plc. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently our client was dead.   

Last we checked it was 2012. We must wonder why it took nine years to notice that ‘the subject matter’ had gone missing.

A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Cannes, South of France. We were soon enough able to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed.

After nine years, there was still enough body left to allow a banker to determine the cause of death. We also wonder what did ‘the subject matter’ look like? He must have been very unique looking to stand out among all the people who died in the Cannes during the past decade.

The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank also gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; the deceased died without a testament .In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own Investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is this investigation that resulted in my being furnished with your details as a possible relative of the deceased. My official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation. What this means, you being the last batch of names we have considered, is that our dear late fellow died with no known or identifiable family member. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit. According to practice, Corporate Securities Co will by the end of this financial year broadcast a request for statements of claim to HSBC Plc ,failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit back to HSBC Plc. This will result in the money entering the HSBC Plc accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division. This will not happen if I have my way. What I wish to relate t o you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational.   

In summation then, stealing money from dead people is just another day at the office for the banking industry. However, in order to do so, one must be able to bring complete strangers selected by random solicitation via email into the mix in order to have things go smoothly.

No small wonder that the world is in such financial turmoil.

The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so. I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as HSBC Plc is concerned, the transaction with our late customer concluded when I sent the funds to corporate securities, all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. Corporate Securities Co has no single idea of what the history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward. This is the situation. This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this mans family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end. My proposal; you share similar details to the late fellow; I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct Corporate Securities Co to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50.I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within a few days. I will simply inform the bank of the final closing of the file relating to the deceased I will then officially communicate with Corporate Securities Co and instruct them to release the deposit to you. With these two things: all is done. The alternative would be for us to have CorporateSecunities Co direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder.   

Again, so many words to say nearly nothing.

This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money from Corporate Securities Co. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions. I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. 

What would be the fun in that?

I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal.   

We assure you that we are neither vindictive or destructive — malicious and sarcastic perhaps, but certainly not vindictive or destructive.

You may not know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move.

Sound like he’s working up a case for coming to America afterwards to be undocumented. After all, we have become very lax about the definition of illegal, especially with an election coming.

Such opportunities only come ones’ way once in a lifetime .I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won?t  pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let share the blessing. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this same email account. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I wouldn’t?t  you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers I will provide for you and also through this email address. I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy.   

We hate to be spoilers, but if the bank has gone to the trouble of monitoring the phones, they may well read the emails as well.

Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man, I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learnt from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon. Thank you so much for your time.   

The contents of this letter should be shredded and used as fertilizer in developing countries. That is the only way that it would serve any useful purpose.

Please respond to my private email on  halltrevor77@gmail.com   

I look forward to hearing from you soonest.    

I await your response.  

Hall Trevor. 

We’re sorry, Hall Trevor, but we feel obliged to pass on this sterling opportunity. We feel quite strongly that this is a Fraud.

Should you receive a copy of this and manage to wade through it all, please do yourself a favor and delete it.

You do not want to get involved with this man if for no other reason than he probably could talk the ears off a brass monkey.

There is no money. There is no Hall Trevor.

There is just Fraud.

That is all.

About these ads
This entry was posted in Email fraud, Humor, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to So many words, so little said.

  1. inkedpen says:

    ..so that $20.00 Hall Trevor owes me..I’m not gonna see it!? I knew that bastard was a fraud…Hall if your reading this you’re a -…oh…wait…this can’t be….my apologies.

    Good read. I enjoyed every bit of your language sir.

    – Inked Pen

  2. Really funny. I never heard of poking fun at internet spammers before, nor had I realized how amusing they could be!

  3. jean9alive says:

    I see that our friend Hall Trevor has been trolling for stupid people for a while. I just received my own invitation on July 31, 2013 to become the one and only special person who can help this poor fellow out of his financial quandary. I am devastated to discover that I’m not the only one. I feel cheated on, like you would when your significant other tells you they love you with all their heart, only to see them the next day, ca-noodling with someone else. Although I could really use 10 plus million dollars, I feel it would be risky to order as many mattresses as I would need, to hide all that money. Somebody might get suspicious that I have more brand-new mattresses than bedrooms to put them in.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s